Saturday, April 09, 2005

New Drugs for Women

This was sent to me by a friend.....I do not know the source.
New Drugs For Women
>
>D A M N I T O L
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8
>full hours.
>`````````````````````````````````````````````````````
>ST. M O M M A'S W O R T
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering
>preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.
>`````````````````````````````````````````````````````
>E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding
>you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait
>till they moved out.
>````````````````````````````````````````````````````
>P E P T O B I M B O
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed
>before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence
>and prevents conception.
>```````````````````````````````````````````````````
>D U M B E R O L
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in
>the enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.
>````````````````````````````````````````````````````
>F L I P I T O R
>~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage
>and the urge to flip off other drivers.
>```````````````````````````````````````````````````
>M E N I C I L L I N
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such
>lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person. Can we get
>naked now?"
>```````````````````````````````````````````````````
>BUYAGRA
>~~~~~~~~~
>Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency,
>duration and credit limit of spending spree.
>`````````````````````````````````````````````````````
>J A C K A S S P I R I N
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday,
>phone number, anniversary or to lift the toilet seat.
>`````````````````````````````````````````````````````
>A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager
>to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators or check-out
>lanes.
>`````````````````````````````````````````````````````
>N A G A M E N T
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same
>irritation level as nagging him.

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Speeding........

I will be mostly absent for the next 2 weeks, I am studying for a test to be licensed for my job. Horrendous, horrible test. I have a friend named Sharon who never fails to send me great email. The following post is from an email she sent me. I do not know the source.

State Trooper
A senior citizen in Florida bought a brand new Mercedes convertible. He took off down the road, flooring it to 80 mph and enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left on his head.
"This is great," he thought as he roared on down I-75.He pushed the pedal to the metal even more. Then he looked in his rear view mirror and saw a highway patrol trooper behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring."I can get away from him with no problem," thought the man and he stromped on it some more, and flew down the road at over 100 mph. Then 110, 120mph. Then he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this kind of thing."

He pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the trooper to catch up with him.
The trooper pulled in behind the Mercedes, and walked up to the man. "Sir," he said, looking at his watch. "My shift ends in 30 minutes and today is Friday. If you can give me any reason why you were speeding, that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The man looked at the trooper and said, "Years ago my wife ran off with a Florida State trooper, and I thought you were bringing her back."
The trooper replied, "Sir, have a nice day."





Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Cats

A friend emailed this, I do not know the source.

Cat Lover or Not, this is hysterical!

We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top this one:

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying.

On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head.

The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition was no problem.

Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.

"Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it."

"You know where the button is," I protested through the shower pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!"

"But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?"

There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a second."

So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behaviour as extremely cowardly. Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing.

It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances.

No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws.

I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region. Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome.

Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me out cold.

When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor butt naked in front of a group of "been-there, done-that" paramedics.

Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter.... .and not succeeding.

Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was.

"What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?"

If they only knew!

Why is it that only the women laugh at this?


Saturday, April 02, 2005

The Language of Women

A freind emailed me this, I do not know the source.

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

40-ISH.......................................49
Adventurous.................Slept with everyone
Athletic................................No breasts
Average looking....................Ugly
Beautiful.....................Pathological liar
Contagious Smile..........Does a lot of pills
Emotionally Secure...............On medication
Feminist.......................Fat
Free Spirit..............................Junkie
Friendship first................Former slut

Fun..........................................Annoying
New-Age..........Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded.....................Desperate
Outgoing.............Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate........................Sloppy drunk
Professional.............................Bitch
Voluptuous..........................Fat
Large frame...........................Hugely Fat
Wants Soul Mate........................Stalker


DICTIONARY OF WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want..
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you
moron!
10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex
all you ever think about?



DICTIONARY OF MEN'S ENGLISH:

1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex
with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex
with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to
have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to
have sex with you
11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit
= I'm gay

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Scouting in the Woods

My little brother was a boy scout for a short period of time. He only went to a couple of camp outs. My mother boycotted the Boy Scout idea after the last camp out he attended. He came home full of stories of massive wedgie attacks (not minor wedgies but horrendous stretch your underwear up somewhere maybe on your head? I don't remember where and I don't have a point of reference not being male) on younger boys by the older troops and the TROOP LEADERS. (thus in my mind forever after, the boy scout official name has been "Wedgie Boy", I cannot help it. Everytime I hear the word boy scout, wedgie boy instantly pops in my mind.) There were also disturbing tales of rampant nakedness in the woods, both adult and child nakedness.

My mother decided that this particular troop was a little, well, weird. (she was not the best judge of young male behavior, she had trouble with the whole raising a boy thing.) I did agreed with her this time. (why would an adult give a child a wedgie?) (Why run naked thru the woods? This was many years ago and to be honest the thing that bothered me the most about the naked in the woods thing was the poison ivy. WHAT, WHAT ABOUT THE POISON IVY YOU FOOLS AS YOU RUN NAKED THRU THE WOODS GIGGLING, AND DOING GOD ONLY KNOWS WHAT ELSE???!!!)

Don't get me wrong, I have no evidence the Boy Scouts are not a healthy club for boys. To the contrary, I think that the majority of Boy Scout troops are probably great places for boys to learn useful things and to hang out with adult males.

Over the years, I have stumbled on a few stories about Boy Scout leaders going awry. The Boy Scouts aren't the only organization beset by accusations of wrong-doing by leaders, any profession or organization that deals with children seems to be fair game for predators.

Nothing like this however:
Longtime Program Director of the Boy Scouts and chairmain of it's Youth Protection Task Force pleaded guilty in court today to a charge of possession and distribution of child pornography.


Makes me feel downright queasy when I think that he could have been giggling naked in the woods and giving poor younger boy scouts wedgies.

Saturday, March 26, 2005

Easter Sunrise

dogwood
dogwood,
originally uploaded by E_llie.

"He is not here: for he is risen, as he said."

Matt 28:6

Happy Easter!

Thursday, March 24, 2005

Finger Food

I wish, I wish, I wish I had more hours in my day to blog. So many great stories out there, so little time.

Woman gets more than a mouthful when she took a bite of her chili in a San Jose Wendy's earlier this week. She was eating her chili when she bit into something unusual. She promptly spit out the offending food and discovered to her horror, she had bitten into a human finger complete with fingernail.

All employees on the scene had their digits intact.
Officials believe it is a woman's finger that had a well manicured nail. Their have been no incident reports of accidents involving anything of this nature at the Wendy's food processing plant.

The coroner is attempting to find a fingerprint match.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Eureka Moment in the Middle of the Night

Have you ever woke up in the middle of the night and realized you did something extremely stupid? I did tonight. (today, it is 2:30am my time) My stupid cat woke me up like he always does, and I was restlessly trying to go back to sleep rehashing things at work, etc. I had a what if thought. Then in horror, I went rushing to my purse to see if my what if was a reality. It was.

I have 2 checking accounts where I currently live. My primary bank is the one I write checks from. The other bank, I no longer use but have a residual amt of money in it and I keep it open just in case I decide to switch back.

I ran out of checks. I went to my drawer where my checks live. In my mind I was looking for the checking account that was my primary. I saw my secondary acct check books, and rejected them immediatly and grabbed the others. The other check book I grabbed? From my old bank in AZ. I no longer have a checking acct with them. It is closed. Arghhhhhh.

I did not realize my mistake until just now. I made a frantic call to the utility that I had sent the wrong pmt to. They could not help me and advised I not pay till the check comes back. I made a frantic call to my old bank. They were fairly soothing, but it did not help my feelings.

Don't people get arrested for using checks from a checking acct that has been closed? I understand I am being hysterical and this probably does not happen, but I thought such action was overtly illegal. Aren't there people who stand around and wait for such actions with finger over the prosecute button?

Sometimes that cat does me favors. If he had not awakened me, who knows how long it would have taken me to realize my error. I might even have (horrors) written multiple checks from this acct. He still makes me crazy though....

Monday, March 21, 2005

Stormy Weather

It is supposed to storm here after midnight. I could be severe. I hate bad weather. One of the things I liked about living in Arizona was that you really did not have to worry about bad weather. Sure it rained from time to time, and we had really spectacular dirt storms, but it was nothing to really worry about. (unless you had a really bad dirt storm that obscured vision while driving, a rare event in Phoenix)

I lived in TX for about 8 years, most of the time in Dallas. For a year of that time we were in a tiny town north of Dallas. While there, a tornado came thru and killed 4 people right down the road over the railroad tracks from our house. The sky turned a pale pea green and it was raining so hard you could not see anything. The only clue that anything was amiss at my house was the state of the sky and a fantastic boom of thunder. That was it.

While in living in North Carolina, in a town outside of Raleigh, a tornado hit while I was driving home from work. They issued a severe thunderstorm warning when I was almost home. I could see the weather was ugly but opted for trying to make it to the house. I ended up having to pull over to the side of the road as small tree limbs blew past my car. Once I got home, I learned they had issued a tornado warning and a big rig was flipped on the highway not too far away.

While I was living away from Mississippi, my home town was hit by 2 tornados that killed 6 people. It was out in the country and the storms left a huge path.

I could go on. When we moved from TX we lived back in MS for a year before moving to NC. During that time, a huge tornado struck about 15 minutes from us and killed 4 or 5 people.

I hate bad weather. My mother would stand in the open doorway during extremely bad weather and say Shhhhhh! What's that sound?
I don't blame her for my phobia. It has lessened in time. When I was a young adult I would have debilitating panic attacks at times of bad weather. (Once in a El Nino year or the other one that comes after that, Las something, we had 14 tornado warnings in our county, none of which touched down) As I had my children, I realized I could not scare them to death. And my mother was only listening to see if we needed to get in a closet or something. My children have been in closets too and I have been known to look outside when severe weather hits.....I do try really hard not to say Shhhhh!!! whats that sound.

Professional thong swipers

Officers in Fairfield, Conn. are probably like policemen everywhere, prepared for almost anything, especially danger during routine traffic stops.

I doubt they were prepared for the 220 pairs of thong underwear they found in Monica Barbosa and Anparo Cruz's car after their car ran a redlight. It is true that there were other articles of clothing found in the car, but I the thongs got the most attention. I wonder, male and female apprehended, were there female and (that most hideous creation) male thongs? (I also think female thongs are atrocious in that they are extremely uncomfortable and could have only been created by a male person who wanted to see females in them)

The items came from stores like Victoria's Secret, Banana Republic and The Gap.

According to police, the couple had a device that let them leave the store without setting off shoplifting alarms.

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

The Art of Catastrophizing

I am prone to anxiety attacks. My anxious state is an inherited one. (or is it learned?) My mother would catatrophise and sometimes share her thoughts with me. I try to remember her hysteria when I am having my own hysterical moments. Unfortunately, knowing you are being irrational does not always change the irrational thinking process. It helps to take deep breaths and to make a phone call.

My little brother was about 10 years old. He was a normal little boy, but my mother, who only had experience raising girls, would constantly say "Well, what is wrong with _____"? She would make this comment when he broke Coke bottles in the back yard or tore up his toys. Pretty standard boy stuff.

She confiding in me one day when I was a young adult, told me one of her catastrophe scenarios. She had decided that my little brother, 10 at the time, was never going to be very tall. He was in fact going to be quite undersized as an adult, much like a professional horse racing jockey. She had also decided he was going to be an alcoholic. (alcoholism runs in my family) She further shared that she feared he was not going to be your average semi-functional alcoholic, he was going to be a homeless wino in a ditch somewhere with a bottle in a paper bag. She also had decided he was going to be a homosexual. Sigh.

In her mind, my little brother was going to be a gay, tiny, shrunken, ditch wino.

Today my little brother is over 6 feet tall, is a supervisor at his place of employment where he works about 60 hours a week, and has been married with child for years. If he has a drinking problem, it has not diminished him in size, affected his work habits yet, or changed his sexual orientation.

I did not know what to say when she shared this tidbit with me. Fortunately, I did not laugh. I looked at her as if these statements were a bit odd (they were) and mumbled a few comforting words. If she shared this with me today, I think I would say, breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out......

Sunday, March 13, 2005

Does She or Doesn't She

I am indebted to my mother in so many ways. She was a wonderful person and I owe my sense of right and wrong and "class" to her and my Grandmothers.

She could be a bit hysterical in her mothering philosophy. When I was very small, I remember fervently believing if you said "damn" or "hell" (the extent of my cussing vocabulary) 10 times, you would be struck by lightning sent from above. You have to understand, my mother never TOLD me this, it was something I gleaned from her demeanor and my sunday school education (which never said that either, I was just a hysterical child).

My mother thought coffee drinkers were evil, (This made no sense, my mother created laws that made no sense. A large part of my awareness of the evilness of everything was from listening to her gossip with my grandmothers both who drank coffee), cigarette smoking women were loose and so were certain health care professionals, namely nurses. I do not know where the evil nurse thing came from except she and my grandmother seemed to feel that since nurses worked grave yard shifts, drank coffee and sometimes were spotted smoking, they were evil. See, if you work graveyard shifts around MEN, namely doctors, you were bound to consort with them after smoking all those cigarettes and drinking demon coffee.

Another sure sign of looseness in my mother's eyes was hair dye and certain styles of makeup. (Remember the old commercials for hair dye,"Does she or doesn't she. ) I have no idea why. This was not a conviction borne out of her religious beliefs. The denomination we were apart of did not condemn hair dye, makeup, coffee or even smoking really since back then the majority of the adult population smoked. Sigh.

I decided at a very young age (bitter middle child) that I was NOT GOING TO BE LIKE MY MOTHER. I have therefore made many mistakes trying to not be like my mother. I felt she was too dependant on my father and should have divorced him which made me more open to the divorce solution when the rocks started jutting more painfully in my 19 year marriage.

When I was younger I was a make-up fanatic who would not leave home to even go to the grocery without the proper made up attire. And as a teenager my makeup reached hysterical proportions, a pre-goth look entirely my own. I am a little looser about the whole makeup thing and have been spotted (gasp) out and about completely makeup free at times.

My hair started turning gray when I was 28, just a strand here or there. I immediately decided to remedy the situation. I have had many hair disasters and colors. It has been a ghastly maroon and a hideous pale blond that made my head look like a light bulb. My hair is naturally a light brown. It currently is a dark reddish blond. It is supposed to be dark blond but if I use an ash color it turnes a greenish hue. (nothing worse than showing up at work with a new heinous shade of green on your head) If I go too light it washes out my complexion. I have, at times in the past, paid big bucks to have it colored. I am currently braving it myself though I can see the days of professional coloring on the horizon again to try to get it right.

As my mother aged, sanity crept in and she was no longer so hystrionic in her parenting approaches. My 9 and 11 year younger sister and brother had a much different type of parenting style and have no clue about how my mom was "back then". She was an excellent example and my mentor when I had my first child.

I have in the past and am trying now to be a little more like her, now that the waves of destruction from my divorce have calmed considerably. I do want to emulate her stability and strength of character. That does not mean I plan to give up coffee or stop dyeing my hair. I don't plan to reconcile with my unstable ex-husband or stop wearing makeup. I do want to be there for my children and be a source of stability for the family.

I want to like my mother (only the good parts).



Friday, March 11, 2005

Mommy Dearest

Mommy Dearest
Mommy Dearest,
originally uploaded by E_llie.
Police in Instanbul Turkey have arrested a man posing as his dead mother to collect her retirement check.

He showed up at a bank, dressed in womans clothes complete with proper support hose. The officials became suspicious of their account holders deep voice. A manager secretly photographed him and called police.

Serafettin Gencel, told police that his 68 year old mother had been dead 2 years. He had buried her body in the basement at her death to be able to collect her checks.

Police are exhuming the body to see if foul play was involved. The man is being held on various charges.

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Cruising the Friendlys

My oldest sister flew to Seattle yesterday, just in time for the latest Mt St. Helens eruption. I hope the volcanic activity did not increase turbulence. I have 2 sisters that are a little sensitive to airplane travel, though I must say she is the bravest by far.

I tend to be a basket case when flying and eat Ativan like candy before and during the flight. (I take one about 30 minutes before the flight, another when taking off and then another whenever the fancy hits. Not very safe) My other sister, (the younger of us three) has to be wheeled off the plane she medicates so well. I actually, (don't laugh) chose bus travel once over flight, I was so afraid. The difference in fares for coach air travel at the time, a whopping $20.

If you have ever ridden a bus for any distance at all, you know how horrible it is. I stinks, is uncomfortable and is generally unpleasant. Feeling a bit deranged, I almost got into an argument with some of my fellow bus mates. Not safe. When I finally staggered off the bus, I felt so grubby and was so demoralized by the whole experience, I almost did not recover. (did I mention my sisters and I also tend to be a bit dramatic)

I hope she is ok. Someone would have called if she wasn't. If she had a mental breakdown brought on by rough flying conditions that rendered her helpless and drooling. What if she was so traumatized by the whole experience, she chooses to take a bus back rather than fly? It would never happen. She would probably walk back before choosing a bus. It would make for a great story.....

Saturday, March 05, 2005

Bad Monkey

When I was a child, I asked my mother for a monkey. I wanted one as a pet. We already had pets and there didn't really seem to be a limit on them. I thought a monkey was a wonderful choice. They were so cute on tv in their little diapers and they would swing around eating bananas and kissing their owners. I thought it would be like having a baby sister or brother. My mother quickly discouraged me. She said they were nasty and had diseases and didn't make good pets. She also said they were dangerous.

Me, being the sensisitive type and the middle child, collected this disapointment and put it in my bag of "I've been wrongeds". (did not my sister GET A PARROT when she had her tonsils out, I asked myself) I later realized, she was of course right, and it would be absolutely hideous to have a psuedo-human bouncing around in your house. Is it animal or human......animal or human.....human or animal.

She was also right about the dangerous part according to this article :

Monkey attacks man and chews of part of face and genitals.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Green Day

I started my new job today. The drive was relativley uneventfull though kind of long. It would have been shorter if I had not GONE THE WRONG WAY. Thankfully discovered my error before too many miles had passed and I arrived on time, 15 minutes early as instructed by my new boss. I pulled into a deserted parking lot right before reaching my destination to smoke really quickly, in an upwind position so that I would not smell like smoke.

I then proceeded to walk in the office feeling like I was going to puke and pass out. I had taken a pain pill and it did not agree with my quick smoke. I had fleeting visions of me as I approached the entrance running to the bathroom to spit. Thankfully, the need to spit sensation faded before I made it in. Wonderful start. I did explain to them that I had been to the dentist and was taking medication. I think they understood...

Oh and a cat update. He is no longer peeing on everything and is feeling better. I am contrite and feel bad about yelling at him when he was sick. My contritness tends to dissipate when he wakes me up in the middle of the night as always with the infernal pointless meowing designed to send me over the edge and I go running hissing and throwing things..............

Monday, February 28, 2005

"Gypsy Dentists"

When I lived in Arizona, a few months before I moved, I went to the dentist with a tooth-ache. Dentists seemed to have changed recently. Where they used to just patch me up, now I feel like I am at a used car lot whenever I go to a new one. They want to "give me an estimate" on all the dental work I can have done. When they want to "give you an estimate" it means you have DENTAL INSURANCE. It also seems to mean, they get dollar signs in their eys.

It had been a few years since I had been to the dentist and when they did the xrays, It was discovered that I had two teeth that needed root canals. The tooth that was bothering me was to go first. After the obligatory 2 weeks of anti-biotics, they referred me to an endodontist. They stated that they could not do this root canal at their office.

After getting that root canal, a few weeks later, I called their office about getting the my xrays for the other tooth, so that I could go back to the endodontist for my other root canal. They wanted my fax number to send me my "estimate" for all the dental work they wanted to perform. I politely informed the girl on the phone that I would be moving in the near future and would not need their services. She sounded disapointed. She then informed me that her office could perform the second root canal that I needed done. Surprised, I stated something to the effect that the office had told me you couldn't do the first, she said they could do this one. I didn't really think to question her, I thought maybe this was a less difficult tooth.

I have not blogged for a number of days because I have had a horrible tooth ache. The aching tooth? The second tooth that my dentist "performed the root canal on". Today, I drug myself to the dentist and begged them to give me a shot. I told the dentist that I did not feel there was any hope for this tooth due to a recent root canal. They did the xrays and low and behold, it has not had a root canal. No root canal, what does that mean? Does it mean that the AZ dentist office lied? I had already decided that even if I wasn't moving I would not have used them again. They tried to charge me more than my insurance allowed and they just seemed to be a little too excited about the possibility of my "estimate" of future services.
Did I mention they were FOREIGN. (Please don't be offended if you are reading this from another country, I am not talking about you if you don't lie. And I know the absolute fury one can feel from being stereotyped. I am from the South. And if you are of Gypsy descent, I apologise. I worked with a hilarious student once who happened to be a Gypsy. He seemed to be very honest.) I have noted in my limited experience with these sorts of things, that some people from other cultures seem to "lie" about things. They don't seem to consider it lying or wrong. Or maybe they do, I don't know. I feel ill. I have to go to bed. I wish sometimes I had dentures.

Monday, February 21, 2005

Lysol Lessons

I had a friend who woke up once to find his clean freak mother - about to spray his feet with Lysol. This story is a little like that except there is a teacher involved.

Speaking of teachers, I wonder if it is not too late to sue Mrs. Richardson. (If you are out there, Mrs Richardson, you were a lousy teacher) The evil teacher that spanked me because I showed up to math class in the 4th grade not having memorized the previous nights multiplication tables. And there was that other horrendous Mrs Wood teacher (4th grade was a bad year) that would spank every child in the classroom, by whacking us on the back with her rather large paddle, as we filed out her door because?????? It could not have been because any one misbehaved. Every one was terrified of her. She spanked for such infractions as having your legs in the aisle. She would note the offenders from her desk and then go down the row whacking legs.

I feel harrassed, and humiliated. I think I suffered permanent emotional disfigurement and an acute fear of anything mathematical. Maybe.......

Anyway, I digress, Teacher makes kid spray lysol on himself

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Presidents Day: Presidential Trivia

Did you know that 2 of our Presidents owned beer breweries? Or that one President was arrested while in office for running over a woman with a horse? For the answers to these and many other presidential trivia questions, click here.

Anybody Want a Cat?

My mother loved animals. She was not allowed to have pets as a child and had suffered some unamed pet tragedy. There was a sense of comedy in her love because, she was not above chasing a dog or cat thru the room with a broom shrieking because of some offense committed.

When I was small and before we moved to town, there was a dirt road a few miles from our house. Down this road lived a lady who cleaned house for us from time to time. On the way to pick her up, sometimes my mother would spot animals that people had dumped on this road. One time we were with her and she pulled off the side of the road, opened the trunk of our car. She started sobbing and began to round up puppies somebody had dumped.

As a child over the years, we had a diverse assortment of pets. Once we had a pet aligator (he was a baby, thankfully he choked to death on some hamburger meat. I say thankfully, not to be cruel, but what would we have done with a full grown alligator? We had birds, both caged and the wild kind rescued from a cat until it could fly on it's own. We had rabbits, hamsters, turtles, mice, and the usual cats and dogs. (including an old toothless chihuahu that would chase us through the house as we shrieked with glee, trying to gum us. When he died, she wrapped him in my little sisters old baby blanket and buried him as she cried.)

Maybe because of my mother's obsession with animals, or maybe because I am more like my mother's mother, I do not want pets.

I unfortunately at the present time am a "proud owner" of a 30 + pound cat who apparently has a urinary tract infection at the present moment. I could be a UTI or maybe it is stark raving anger at me because I stuck him on the porch last night when he would not stop meowing in the hall. Since them he has peed on the leather couch about 5 times (in one day). The leather couch he is full aware is "off limits".

Where I do not share my mothers fondness for pets, I do have the same running and shrieking through the house with a broom after a peeing feline. I am having serious visions of cat murder. I have visulized hurling him off the balcony of our apartment complex, I have imagined my self sticking in the garbage dumpster and turning the compactor on. I have fantasized about sticking him in a bag with a few good heavy rocks, and placing him in the drainage ditch that is full right now from the recent rains.

So tonight, what do I do? In the spirit of my mother, I went out and purchased a new scratch toy, (the old one thrown away because he had peed on it) and urinary formula cat food (in case there is a problem, and hairball relief treats. I also bathed him, and cut away his hair balls. (he has extremely long thick hair that mats very easily)

My reward? A few minutes ago, at my feet, he promptly puked up a fine assortment of hairballs.

Want to read more about my cat and the struggles we have been thru? Read one of my very first blog posts "The Cat With Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome".

Saturday, February 19, 2005

Pass this on to 10 people within 5 minutes and you will be never die, and your children will be beautiful and it will prove you love God .............

I hate chain mail. I appreciate the people who send it to me and know they are well intending. The letters usually start out with some positive, uplifting message. I appreciate that part. What I hate is the invariable end. Send this message within 30 minutes to be blessed or if you care, or love God enough or have faith, send this message to 10 friends.

I got one today and it started out stating "At the end of this story, it gives you two options. I think you will figure out what option I chose."

A nice touching story followed, I will not repeat it because it would be further encouraging the people who START these messages. It ended with:

"You now have 1 of 2 choices. You can either pass this on and
let other people catch the chills like you did, or you can delete
this and act like it didn't touch your heart like it did mine.
IT'S YOUR CALL! "I can do all things in Him who strengthens me."
(Phil.4:13)"


What I hate about these sorts of messages the most is that they insinuate that you don't love God enough if you don't pass them on forever or that you are not a good person if you don't. Plus the obssessive compulsive in me WANTS to pass them on.

What if??? What if I don't pass it on and have 7 years of bad luck? (as in the superstition, if you break a mirror) Sigh.

I always wonder what sort of person would START a chain letter? They are very controlling. They seem to get some sort of weird kick or ego stroking by the thought that people are endlessly forwarding their email. Sometimes I wonder if they are not deranged. Why? Why? Why????????

Friday, February 18, 2005

You'll know your living in 2005 when.......

My friend Sharon in Arizona sent me this in an email. I do not know the source.

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in a business manner.

7. You make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial "9" to get an outside line.

8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.

10. You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news.

11. Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.

12. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home.

13. Every commercial on television has a website at the bottom of the screen.

14. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

15. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.

16. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. :)

17. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

18. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

19. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

20. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list

AND NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.

Happy 2005!

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Fried Green Tomatoes and Steel Magnolias

Two of my favorite movies of all time are about strong women in the South. The movies? "Fried Green Tomatoes", and "Steel Magnolias", both released in the late 80's. Comedic dramas about women overcoming adversity, survival, and being a strong person.

A Steel Tomato I am not. I resemble a wilted daisey and had never even tried fried green tomatoes until after I saw the movie. I am not very good at being a Southern woman and do not pick up well on the subtle unspoken social inuendo's. I think that is why I was a little relieved when I moved away from the South. I did not feel like such a failure.

I am back now and struggling again with being "a steel magnolia". Sigh. I am afraid time has not enhanced my Southern skills. But being back in the South has it's wonderful points. The best part is I am once again with my family and my children now have us all in the same region.

I shall accentuate the positives. Since I have been back.....

1. I have lost 15 pounds and am once again my normal weight. (the move was very traumatic, I already needed to lose 7 pounds and I gained more weight right before the move. I kept saying to myself, moving does not make you fat....moving does not make you fat)

2. I have finally landed a decent job (today as a matter-of-fact after 8 loooooong months of temping) which promises to be the best job I have ever had, even better than the one I had in Arizona.

3. I have finally (knock on wood) made a serious decision to quit smoking. I will keep you posted.

4. I am in the same general area as my family, extended and otherwise. I live in the same town as both my grandchildren.

5. I feel better about myself because as weak as my bravery skills are(Daiseys Getting Wilted!!!!), I had the courage to move back and start over. I took a chance and did not choose the easy path.

6. I no longer have to sit around and sing tragically to myself, songs about the South.

7. I am a Cowgirl.....again.

Saturday, February 12, 2005

Mold Madness

I have a dear friend who has a relative who has suffered from mold madness. I am not making light of his condition. My mother who was extremely intelligent would go on and on about the evils of mold. My friends relative got more than just a runny nose from this evil growth, he became moldersized.

He has very calmly announced on more than one occasion, that his drinking problem, inability to work and downright odd behaviors in the past have one cause. Mold. He has been moldersized, he states quite firmly. He states this firmly in an attempt to get her to totally de-mold her house so that he can move in. She very firmly runs in the opposite direction.

A new study out there on mold and the effects there-of states that many of the problems blamed on mold are really unrelated to mold sensitivity. Many of the people studied were in fact allergic to their surroundings and did better once removed from them, they did not however, test positive for Stachybotrys, the black mold responisible for toxic mold syndrome. The study suggests that unhealthy dampness not mold may be the culprit for the symptoms ranging from respiratory ailments to achy joints. (notice how they didn't mention deranged behavior)

My question is this, does Stachybotrys cause deranged behavior, an inability to function in a healthy manner and alcoholism? I think this is an important point to establish since mold lawsuits are beginning to pop up everywhere. Soon there will be stories out there like this, Woman states mold caused her to assault her husband. She was molderized. It wasn't HER FAULT she attacked. Maybe mold causes PMS too......

Flowers for Valentines Day?

Ever wondered what meanings are associated with certain flowers? This could be helpful if you are giving or hoping to get flowers for Valentines Day.

Red Roses - Love and desire
Pink Roses - Happiness
White Roses - Charm and innocence
Red and White Roses combined - Unity
Hyacinth - Joy
Geranium -Preference
White Chrysanthemum - Truth
Red Chrysanthemum - I love you
Violet - Faithfulness

Thursday, February 10, 2005

Attack Fifi Attack!

Deputy Scott Howden tried to stop Girlamo Marinello after he ran a stop sign. Marinello awarded the deputy by ramming his vehilce into the police car. He then got out and started swinging his 4 pound poodle "Baby" at the deputy. (around and around or side ways or towards him? What? I need a video)

Was he ordering the poodle to attack the deputy (sick him Fifi)? Was he using the poodle as a weapon or projectile? We may never know.

He was found mentally incompetent to stand trial. And FiFi, I mean Baby, she is fine and has been adopted.

Juice Abuse?

My mother was one of the most intelligent people I have ever known. She KNEW things. She did not watch a lot of tv. She did read a lot of books. She told me this about juice and babies.......
They are 100 percent sugar," Dr. David Ludwig, an expert on pediatric obesity at Children's Hospital Boston, said recently. "Juice is only minimally better than soda." advertisement



Monday, February 07, 2005

On Being Female

My friend Sharon in Arizona forwarded this to me in an email. I do not know the source.

It is good to be a woman:

1. We got off the Titanic first.

2. We can scare male bosses with the mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.

3. Taxis stop for us.

4. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

5. No fashion faux pas we make, could ever rival the Speedo.

6. We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.

7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

8. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end.

9. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.

10. We have the ability to dress ourselves.

11. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

12. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that we will look like an idiot.

13. We will never regret piercing our ears.

14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems..

15. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening anyway.

Sunday, February 06, 2005

Glade Plug-in Fire

Do you remember hearing Glade plugins could cause fires? How about the man that freed himself from an avalanche by peeing himself out. (sadly, I used that story) Did you see the Tsunamie pictures where crowds appeared to be watching the wave come in with cameras in hand, not running until the last minute? How about that email that claimed Starbucks was refusing to send free coffee to GIs in Iraq? And the ever circulating email about missing child Briana Hennigan, is she still missing?

Snopes.com is a great website that contains facts about these stories, all were erroneous in some way. Briana Hennigan was recovered long ago. The man that peed to melt snow? Though it was a story run by national press, there is no record of the incident or of an avalanche during this time period.

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Top 10 Signs Your Boss is Spying on You

I will not, WILL NOT blog about work. I have a friend who sends me emails about co-workers that are hilarious. She shall of course, remain forever nameless. There was the fragmented, disjointed one about how she exchanged her camera phone for a regular one because she was spotted by another co-worker taking a picture of a male co-worker's butt. (I think she was trying to hide the evidence?)
She tells me about the "wars" between the fellow workers. All great and mostly to protect her, un-useable. Sigh.... I can give you, however, this great top ten from David Letterman.

Top 10 Signs Your Boss is Spying on You
1. Wherever you go you're followed by a potted plant in loafers.
2. The bracelet he gave you for Christmas beeps if you leave your cubicle.
3. Office coffee has hint of hazelnut and sodium pentothal.
4. Your name: "Sam." Next to your parking spot: "Reserved for the guy following Sam."
5. Find yourself getting tasered more than with previous bosses.
6. Your new secretary looks a lot like that chick from "Alias."
7. Instead of photos of wife and kids on his desk, he has a photo of you sleeping.
8. When you're alone in the men's room, a voice tells you to quit blocking the lens.
9. Boss critical of typos in your personal e-mails.
10.The fax machine just coughed.

Saturday, January 29, 2005

Hi Elaine.

Jacksonvile, FL

Tuesday afternoon, a message was left on Elaine Brown, President of the City Council's, voicemail. The message started out normally enough with "Hi, Elaine. The caller then went on to tell "Elaine" what he would do it the Superbowl was held in Jacksonville. He told her he was a scientist obsessed with the Big Bang theory and with the size it needs to be. He stated that 100,000 people dying would get their attention. He also said Jacksonville did not deserve the Super Bowl and he wanted the mayor, city council and members of law enforcement to resign. He said police had tried to kill him several times (Were you running naked thru the streets with a butcher knife Buddy?) He then left his cell phone number and name. The number was traced, the name his own. He was subsequentially arrested.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

PMS Contagious?

Medical News Today recently surveyed men and women about PMS.

6% felt that PMS was contagious. Contagious? I wonder. I bet the 6% were all male. Did some of the men surveyed feel PMS was contagious because they were breaking out in their own rage attacks over perceived slights at "that time of the month". Or perhaps a household of females were all PMSing at the same time, leading the poor unfortunate males to believe they were "catching" it from each other?

Another interesting result, 42% said they felt men can experience their own form of PMS, a belief I have held for years. You can clock the instability and mood swings in a monthly rotation.

How do men and women know when a woman is suffering from PMS:
--40 percent said they emit a negative force.
--31 percent said they are irrational and unstable.
--19 percent said they are less creative and unable to make a rational decision.

--Almost 20 percent of men said women with PMS are sexually and physically unattractive during this period.
--42 percent claim men can experience their own version of PMS.
--33 percent believe there is no cure for PMS.
--21 percent believe PMS is inherited.
--12 percent said PMS is not real, and it's all in a woman's head.
--6 percent believe PMS is contagious

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Top 10 List of Worst Valentines Day Gifts

A (most probably flawed survey) was taken by a jewelry company. I feel the survey was more than likely flawed because it was taken by a jewelry company and most of the traditional Valentines Day gifts scored low. (Jewelry was not mentioned)

Clothing, candy and lingerie topped the worst type of gift to give at 20%. Cards ranked 9% on worst gift list. Household items actually did better than cards, clothing and lingerie at 8%. Flowers and plants scored 5%.

The survey takers also compiled a list of the least favorite gifts the surveyed had received.

10. Vacuum - I personally would not mind this as a gift if I knew the gifter would be the main vacuumer.
9. Paper Shredder - This gift cannot be redeemed unless it is a very expensive paper shredder. A quiet one that will do lots of sheets at once. Not the cheap horrible ones.
8. Electric Frying Pan - Again, if the gift giver was going to be cooking with the pan, I would not have a problem.
7. Crock-pot - See above comment
6. Rug shampooer - Only if the above comments applied and it were a VERY expensive shampooer. Not a steam cleaner.
5. Pencil sharpener - What????
4. Ice scraper - Why would you give someone an ice scraper? I bought mine for a dollar at a dollar store.
3. Can of soup - Speechless
2. Wisconsin cheese - Break-up
1. Cold pizza See above

Monday, January 24, 2005

"Drama is life with the dull bits cut out". Alfred Hitchcock

I've been accused of being dramatic and have always denied it vehemently. "Having a crisis does not a drama queen one make", I have exclaimed huffily. I have been thinking of how I have a tendency to draaaaaaaawwwww out calamity. And cling to the anxious feeling almost lovingly. I have had a few crisis's these past few weeks. The sickness drama has been one crisis, there have been others.

My family has been having colds and stomach viruses for about 2 months now. Both my grandchildren have had colds. I decided to teach my 18 month old grand-daughter the proper way to act when sick. I demonstrated for her by reclining on the couch, with arm upraised and flopped backwards limp wristed over my head. I made moaning noises to complete the picture. When I left her house she was lying in the appropriate stance on the couch, arm flung backwards over her head amidst pillows, with sippy cup and blanket in tow. I was quite proud.
I later called my daughter, trying to be helpful and suggested that my grand-daughters cheeks were pink because she was allergic to her medication. They mentioned later talking to the Dr so I know they probably made a frantic phone call. (I did not mean to incite panic)

My other daughter has 2 month old. He has also had a cold and may already have the drama thing down pat. He is better now but one day he was laying on my daughter moaning. Little baby moans. Scary. Then when he developed a cough with the cold and started wheezing the next day. My daughter called me in a panic. I could hear him in the background making what I swear sounded like asthmatic wheezes.

Both daughters rushed to the Drs office sure they would be re-directed to the ER. When they were shown to a room and he was laid upon the examining table. He began to happily kick his legs and coo. No wheezes to be found. So happy was he, the Dr suggested he didn't even need his cold medicine.

Medicine free, he developed laryngitis the next night. Not croup mind you like most babies, laryngitis. Sounded just like an adult squeeking because he can't talk. This new development resulted in one of an already many by this time, frantic calls to the on-call Dr.

We have a new vaporizer and new cough medicine and things are fine now. Oh, but with the colds going away, my daughter is scheduled for outpatient surgery in a few days.......

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Castration 101

A guy I went to high school with castrated himself about a year after I graduated. He was doing drugs. The word on the street was he thought his item of castration was a snake.

RENO MAN CASTRATES HIMSELF

A Reno man called 911 Monday. Seems he was profusely bleeding from his lower quarters. See he wanted to lower his libido. Apparently he had some sort of sexual addiction? So he typed castration and did an internet search with this handy and usually useful little search tool. He found what he was looking for.

He castrated himself. No word on why other than the libido thing. He did have the where-withal to call 911 when he could not control the bleeding.

It was a successful castration. “The man obviously needs some sort of counseling,” Reno police Lt. Ron Donnelly said.

Sunday, January 16, 2005

Another Blogger Fired

Depending on the blog style, we bloggers tend to mention our personal lives. It is unavoidable. I try to use caution. I try hard not to post something that would hurt or offend a family member, some of my best material never makes it. I would rather my writing suffer than hurt my family.

And work well...no one I work with knows my blog address or that I even have a blog. I rarely mention work. Neither did this British employee of Waterstones. He occasionally poked fun at his "sandal wearing boss" and vented on his weblog. He did mention the name of the company he worked for but not the location. He was unceremoniously fired. He offered to cease and desist from all workplace blogging to no avail.

He joins a host of others fired for blogging about work. Among them: Ellen Simonetti, and employee of Delta Airlines, Jessica Cutler, a secretary for a U.S. Senator and others. Boing, Boing has a list of employers that have either fired or disciplined employess for blogging about work.

"Haunted House"

Cowgirls Do The News: "Haunted House'
The definition of a poltergeist is 'noisy ghost'.

An Austrian man was hearing strange noises late at night. He would hear slamming doors, echoing footsteps in an empty hallway. He decided his house was haunted. Not knowing what else to do, he called the police.

The police captured on video, a 42 year old woman, making ghostly noises throughout his house. She was very much alive and the wife of one of his employees. She was jailed for 4 months on nuisance charges."

Saturday, January 15, 2005

Naked Wisdom

Orem Utah
A Utah woman showed up at the post office to check her mail, wearing nothing but her boots and sunglasses. As the patrons mouths dropped open in shock, the naked woman told them they needed to repent.

The police pulled the 49 year old woman over as she was driving away. She told them they were in need of repentance as well. She was taken to the hospital for a mental evaluation.

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Oops! Kid's do the darndest things?

Prince Harry wears Nazi costume to party.

My mother used to say, if you live long enough your kids will humble you. British royalty are no exception.

I think maybe Harry is rebelling a little. It would be difficult to be a Prince. And the British are so stuffy.

He was dressed as a Hitler Youth, complete with a swastika on the armband and collar. He was also photographed sporting a drink and a cigarette to complete the outfit.

He is scheduled to begin a prestigious military academy later this year. Some are saying he should not now be allowed to attend. A regular candidate would not be accepted under the same circumstances.

Monday, January 10, 2005

Fear Factor?

My fear? That I might be forced to watch an "eating" segment of this show.

Is it just me? Am I the only one in the free world, other than the poor guy who suffered "grievous injury" when he ran into a wall in a vain attempt to make it to the toilet to puke, that is happy fear factor is being sued for it's rat blender episode?

Sunday, January 09, 2005

Dumpster Divers

Scientific studies have shown: Garbage dumpsters have germs in them.

Note to my neighbors: I know your kids are probably bored. I know that in an apartment complex there is not a lot for them to do. The park is across the street but you don't want to send them there unattended.

I don't want to get in your business, or be an alarmist, but please look out the window. Your little boys are in the garbage dumpster.
They appear to be crawling happily about.

It is not sanitary and due to the trash compacting button, probably not safe.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Not Now, My Toenails are too Long.

I remember when I was a teenager, there was a saying that floated about on tv commercials, etc. It was "not now I am washing my hair" or "I will be washing my hair on Saturday". It was supposed to be a response to use when someone asked you out for a date and you did not want to go.

Radical Muslim cleric Abu Hamza, who faces 16 charges, including incitement to murder and stirring up racial hatred, stated he could not walk from his cell to the special video link room set up to take video testimony. He could not walk to this room and appear via video in court because he stated his toenails are too long.

The Judge adjourned the hearing for a fortnight due to the prisoners "disabilities".

Monday, January 03, 2005

In Memory - My Mother

Things my Mother taught me (excuse my fingers, they are tongue tied)

1. My mother taught me to love beauty. She gave me art lessons at a young age.

2. She showed me how to calm a fussy baby, entertain a bored toddler with homemade playdough and a multitude of other things.

3. By not doing everything for me, she showed me I could be strong.

4. After my paternal grandmother died, she moved my grandfather in their house rather than putting him in a nursing home. (he died a few days later) She also moved her mother in the house when she became to ill to care for herself. She taught me courage (I am not there yet)

5. My mother would comment on current events, she would compare the latest fad thought with the trends of yesterday. Her wisdom was invaluable. She taught me not to believe everything I hear and read. (Question everything, in a good way)

6. When my children were born, she encouraged me to stay home with them as long as possible.

7. She was very sick her last 3 years of life. She suffered with dignity. She showed great strength of character and died with grace.

8. She loved to read and took us to the library often. I inherited her book-worm-ism.

I could go on and on. My mother and I did not allways see eye to eye. As an adolescent we were adversaries at times. When I became an adult my mother became my best friend. She taught me love.

On January 3, 2001, at age 65, my mother died at home, surrounded by her family.

Jigsaw Rage

Soon to come.....little tests popping up all over blog sites, What kind of jigsaw strategist are you?

Researchers at the University of Bath have conducted a study on human interaction. They asked people to complete a 121 piece jigsaw puzzle alone or in a group. They were video taped. They will be using the results of the study to develope computer software designed to aid in work related projects.

Some of the behaviors observed....
-Shading completed sections of puzzle from other players view.
-Refusing to let a fellow player touch their puzzle
-Hourding of piles of pieces
-Hiding the lid so others could not see picture

They also identified groups
Border Obsessives - focus exclusively on sorting through the entire stock of pieces for the sole purpose of completing the border before concentrating on the rest of the puzzle. (that's me)
Opportunists', sort piles on more complex criteria and completing the puzzle using a range of different methods, such as from the top of the picture down to the bottom, or by concentrating on a major component of the picture depending on the pieces they pick up.

The Border Obsessives and the Opportunists had a tendancy to fight with Border Obsessives trying to run the show and the Opportunists performing better alone.

Saturday, January 01, 2005

Modern Drunkeness

I must preface this post with a statement. I belong to a 12 step group. I think this guy probably needs one as well.....

Their is a new magazine out there called Modern Drunkeness, where every hour is happy hour and hangover cures a must-have.

The editor of the magazine, Frank Kelly Rich, feels drunks are an oppressed minority. When asked about cirrhosis of the liver, he insists recent studies have shown that drinking is beneficial to your health, The states that drinking is conducive to a happy family life.

Kelly is also quoted in the article as stating:
"People always say, 'If you drink, your problems will still be there in the morning,' " he said. "That's like telling a guy going to the Bahamas that in a week, he'll be right back where he started. Well, for a week, he'll be gone."

Broke, Weird People

According to Ecommerce News, In the eyes of Ebay, the year 2004 found consumers to be poorer and weirder.

"The past year brought an explosion of the bizarre -- on both the seller and buyer side. That's in addition to the cheese sandwich bought by Internet gaming company GoldenPalace.com, which plans to take the sandwich on tour.

Earlier in December, a woman listed her father's cane, along with her father's ghost. She wrote in the listing that her son had been afraid of her father and that after the father died, the boy was afraid his ghost would stick around. So she got rid of the cane -- and the ghost along with it -- on eBay.

GoldenPalace bought that, too -- for $65,100.
"What it tells me is there's a market for anything," says Paul Dholakia, a marketing professor at Rice University who studies eBay. "It demonstrates the power of eBay, that it can create a global market for people on the fringes doing weird stuff."

Thursday, December 30, 2004

Don't Offend......The Rooster

2005 is the year of the Rooster, a green wooden rooster to be exact.
According to Russian website Auda
You should wear green in 2005 to attract money and love. (If I believed this and really thought it would attract money, I would invest in a brand new green wardrove, complete with green underwear) It is also supposed to be the year for youth (whatever that is supposed to mean) and a great year for scientific inventions, creative works and the emergence of new talent.

Family values will be big, as a matter of fact, rooster's are fertile birds so we will all have babies. :O. (don't panic if you are single, oh believers of the bird, this could also mean that 2005 is a great year to find THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE)

Now to the offending the bird part, if you eat meat on New Year's you will offend the bird. (what would happen I wonder if the great green wooden rooster becomes offended?) If you go to a night club on New Years Eve, rather than at home with family you will also offend the bird. (the bird is sounding like a vegetarian woman who is trying to get her wandering husband to stay home rather than go out with the boys. You should stay in your own country, toast your family, parents and children and say cock-a-doodle-do several times for luck

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Christmas Issues? Psychosis?

Ever had a case of Christmas blues? A seasonal depression, that materializes during the Christmas season, sometimes triggered by loss. (deaths, aging, loss in general, etc.) It is usually alleviated by the holiday passing.

In the past there have been times, I must admit, I have wallowed in self pity during the holiday season. Said wallowing did nothing, by the way, except make everyone elses lives miserable at Christmas. Maybe setting them up for future holiday depressions triggered by lousy memories of a self absorbed family member that sabotaged the happy occasion.

Enough said. I am thankful my tearful self absorbtion did not turn in to a full blown psychotic rage like the following PA man who apparently had not been a good boy this year.

Man allegedly burns home after getting no gifts

"He was irritated that his family gave him no presents for Christmas," Lower Southampton police officer Peter Liese said."

He apparently had himself committed, checked himself out, walked 8 miles to his parents home and torched it.

I guess he was trying to make a point of some kind?????

Monday, December 27, 2004

Over the River

My parents/grandparents are gone now, so the over the river and thru the woods trips are to one of my sisters houses. Sample of this years trip conversations. "Its cold in the car, feels like a window is open. It is so cold. It is cold in the car. Cold in the car. It is cold" Meanwhile, at the beginning of the barrage the heat was raised to scalding. I cannot breathe and feel I might pass-out at the wheel, but there is a very tiny baby in the back seat and I don't want him to be cold. At the end of the trip, I noticed the verbal barrager, the informer of the rear temperature, has taken her jacket off and is wearing short sleeves.

Thursday, December 23, 2004

Tis The Reason

Silent night, holy night,
Son of God, love's pure light.
Radiant beams from Thy holy face,
With the dawn of redeeming grace,

Jesus, Lord, at Thy birth;
Jesus, Lord, at Thy birth.


Merry Christmas!

Fooey to the World - Festivus Nigh

Tired of the same old Christmas party games? New Christmas craze spreading.

I loved Seinfield, and have seen all of the shows at least twice. It is a tribute to that shows creativity that a new "holiday" craze has begun. An alternative Christmas celebration. Would I attend a Festivus party? Absolutely. It sounds like great fun. No hunting for a unisex or gag gift. No half hearted haggling over gifts that are many times rejected regifts. No resentment towards the person or couple who brings a gift that obviously cost less than the $20 standard set by the host. Not having to stretch a Christmas budget already at the breaking point for yet another gift.

Simplicity. An airing of grievances, blowing off that inevitable Christmas tension and steam by accusing all and listing their disappointing behaviors and then wrestling? Sounds a bit like domestic violence during the holidays, no?

Probably not a good idea for an office party:)

Shopping Nursery for Men

While it may be a little late for us this year, maybe next year. I think a London store may have the solution to the couple shopping dilemna, tired of dragging around a man this holiday season? Marks and Spencer, set up nurseries in six of their stores this season. "The retailer has set up special “chill-out” areas where men can kick back in front of the television while their other halves scour the store for the perfect Christmas gifts. Marks and Spencer offers comfortable sofas, assorted candy, a selection of DVDs to choose from and a small scalextric, or small electric car-racing track, for men to play with." Spotted in the nurseries were a few small children and the elderly. One of the men was heard to grumble that the rooms should be for men only. Yep, pigs and shopping, Oh I mean men and shopping....

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Ho Ho Ho, Man changes his name to Santa Claus

The beard and white hair are real. And yes, retired for 5 years, Marty Santa Claus Lebowitz works in a department store as Santa Claus, every year.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Rudolph The Rednosed Reindoe........

rudolph
rudolph,
originally uploaded by E_llie.
This little tidbit contributed by my friend Sharon in Arizona. She was emailed....

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.

Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.

We should've known... ONLY women would be able to drag a fat-ass man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.

Multi-tasking at the Wheel

Not too long ago, my son-in-law happened upon me in an adjacent traffic lane. He reported to everyone that I was smoking, and putting on make-up while driving down the road. I had to confess it was true.

Not surprisingly the following article lists my behavior as a bad driving trait. At least I don't throw my makeup at offending drivers....

Are you a dangerous driver? 10 ways to tell

Bad habits range from road rage to eating while driving. Compare yourself with these accident magnets from Boston. Do you see yourself here?
By Insure.com

Surely you've seen them on the road: They're swerving in and out of lanes, ignoring rules of the road, and engaging in other rude -- and dangerous -- behavior. Or maybe you are that bad driver?

Compare yourself with a focus group of 30 drivers from Boston who have collectively been involved in 84 accidents over the past three years and received 49 speeding tickets, 39 moving violations and 92 parking tickets. Take a look at these questions to find out if you fit the profile.
When you reach a stop sign and no one is coming from another direction, do you roll through instead of stopping? An overwhelming majority (87%) of the bad drivers say they should be able to speed, go through stop signs, and break other driving rules and regulations as long as no one gets hurt.

Do you talk on the cell phone while driving instead of pulling off and stopping to talk? A total of 77% of bad drivers say they do this either frequently or occasionally. Only 13% say they never talk on a cell phone while driving.
(Guilty)


Do you take your coffee and muffin or other food and drink on the road with you, driving with one hand while using the other to eat? Some 60% of those in the study say they either frequently or occasionally eat while they're driving. In fact, several of the participants say they have spilled drinks and attempted to clean up the spill while driving.
(Guilty)

If you're out shopping in a crowded area and are looking for a parking space, do you become so focused on your search that you lose sight of the cars and pedestrians around you? More than half of the participants say that when they're trying to find a parking space in a crowded area, they can become so focused that they become oblivious to other drivers and pedestrians and often get into accidents, whether on the street or in a parking lot.
(Not Guilty, except there was a time eons ago that I almost backed over a large cursing man in WalMart's parking lot)

Do you hate driving behind SUVs or other large vehicles that obstruct your view? More than 60% of bad drivers say they are frustrated driving behind SUVs because they are wide and tall and block their vision. In fact, more than 70% believe SUVs should be required to drive in a separate lane on the highway.
(Is this part of the questionare? Shouldn't they be asking if you do drive an SUV, so you can actually SEE what is going on in front of you)

Does your driving change when you go into areas with higher police presence? Nearly all of the participants strongly agree with the statement that they drive more carefully when they know police are in the area. In addition, most participants say they check their rearview mirrors regularly for police cars.
(Guilty, but doesn't everyone get really paranoid and slow down when the boy's in blue are around?)

Does listening to music while you drive sometimes leave you oblivious to all but the music? Some 93% of participants say they listen to the radio while driving, and 73% of them listen to music. Most say listening to the radio has often caused them to become distracted and in some cases they say listening to loud music has caused them to be more aggressive on the highway.
(Not Guilty to distraction but maybe guilty to aggression)

Do you find yourself in confrontations on the road, either through verbal arguments or hand gestures, because of either your own driving habits or the habits of others? While 87% of the bad drivers consider themselves at least somewhat courteous drivers if not very courteous, at least half also admit making obscene or rude gestures or comments to other drivers, particularly those who cut in front of them on the highway. Participants also say, however, that they appreciate a thank-you gesture for letting another driver into their lane, and often give a wave of thanks themselves when they cut into traffic. (There was this one time where I was being very nice to these people in this little white car, I let them cut ahead of me in line and to show their gratitude THEY FLIPPED ME OFF.
Guilty of returning the favor, and wishing my car could sprout wings and crush them as they giggled off.)


Does your "work hard, play hard" lifestyle leave you sleepy behind the wheel at times? About 50% of those in the study say they have almost fallen asleep while driving and an additional 10% say they have wanted to shut their eyes while driving and almost did. The study found that most participants lead a busy lifestyle that sometimes leaves them sleep-deprived. (Guilty of occasional sleepiness at the wheel, but I stop and get something cold to drink or turn the radio on)

When you're driving with passengers, do you turn around to talk, taking your eyes and mind off the road? Nearly all group members acknowledged that they are distracted when they have passengers in their vehicles, and most say during conversations they'll turn their heads and stop paying attention to the road. This held true especially for drivers with small children.
If your answers agree with the answers from the focus group, it's likely you tend to be a more aggressive driver than average. Like members of the study, you may also pay more for your auto insurance. Within the study group, 53% pay a surcharge on their auto insurance because of their driving records.
(Not Guilty, thank you)

!Outgoing, confident, and a menace
These bad drivers have other characteristics that you may recognize in your own life. Most say they lead very stressful lives without enough time to accomplish all their activities in a day. They all consider themselves either somewhat or very outgoing, and all have a fair to great amount of confidence in the way they behave. And 90% say they've told a "little white lie" to protect someone's feelings.
(Is this part of the question? If you have told a white lie, have a stressful life, are confident and outgoing, you are a dangerous driver?)

The group was broken down into three age groups, from 18 to 25 years old, 26 to 45 years old, and 46 to 59 years old. There were 19 men and 11 women in the study, commissioned by RightFind Technology, a company developing new products to help insurers make better decisions on auto insurance rates for specific drivers.

While the study is based on a small group and should be considered a hypothesis rather than a conclusion, "our study identified several personality attributes that seem clearly linked to accident involvement," says Donald Bashline, one of the owners of RightFind. "Witnessing these focus groups was a revelation."

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Christmas Freedom

Protest withdrawal means kids can sing 'Silent Night'

Associated Press
Dec. 14, 2004 08:30 AM

EGG HARBOR TOWNSHIP, N.J. - Some New Jersey school kids will be singing "Silent Night."

The Egg Harbor Township board voted 7-0 Monday night to put the song back in the program at Slaybaugh elementary.

A parent had complained about the religious nature of "Silent Night," then withdrew his objection Monday.

School officials note this week's holiday music program also includes songs about Hanukkah and Kwanzaa.

Kindergarten teacher Kathy Waszen says the kids didn't know about the controversy. She adds their little faces light up when they sing the Christmas carol.

Thursday, December 09, 2004

Deputy caught urinating

Deputy in Orange County has been caught peeing in a parking garage elevater on tape. How horrible to be caught illegally peeing. What an idiot to be caught and to be the pee-er. The reason he was caught on tape? Sting operation, due to the smell.

Want to see the incriminating evidence? Check out CBS News section Caught On Tape.
At this site you can view video of court skirmishes, hostage situations, deputies peeing, rats in New York, etc.

Something fun to do, as long as you are not the person being filmed.... .

Monday, December 06, 2004

Dysfunctional Section at a Hallmark Store

This came in an email at work. I have no idea how old this is. I do not know who wrote it.
Dysfunctional Section at A Hallmark Store
1. I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. And now that you've come into my life...
(Inside card) - I've changed my mind.

2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life...
(Inside card) - I never believed in Hell until I met you.

3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am..
(Inside card) - That you're not here to ruin it for me.

4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go....
(Inside card) - Will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably need it again.

5. Someday I hope to marry..
(Inside card) - Someone other than you.

6. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age....
(Inside card) - Almost lifelike!

7. When we were together, you said you'd die for me...
(Inside card) - Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your promise.

8. We've been friends for a very long time...
(Inside card) - What do you say we stop?

9. I'm so miserable without you...
(Inside card) - It's almost like you're still here.

10. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy....
(Inside card) - Did you ever find out who the father was?

11. You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket...
(Inside card) - I'd miss you terribly and think of you often.

13. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Tennessee, Alabama, Mississippi, and Arkansas)

14. Looking back over the years we've been together, I can't help but wonder...
(Inside card) - What was I thinking?

15. Congratulations on your wedding day!...
(Inside card) - Too bad no one likes your husband.


Sunday, December 05, 2004

Cow, er.....Toilet Tipping

Youv'e heard of cow tipping right? Where you sneak up on a sleeping cow and knock him or her over? (Why, Why?) If you have never had the opportunity to wade through a field of cow waste products in the middle of the night or don't have a cow handy and want to try your hand at cow tipping click on the link above and you can tip one over virtually.

There is a new more urban past time called toilet tipping. It doesn't take as much skill and finesse as cow tipping. You don't have to worry about pissing the poor toilet off. No running and screaming hysterically between the giggles and hiccups if your first attempt at tipping the toilet fails. Just run and bam! knock the toilets over. Just hope it doesn't splash.....

Serial toilet tipper on the loose

Associated Press
Dec. 3, 2004 05:35 PM

DOTHAN, Ala. - A portable bathroom prankster has plagued building sites in Dothan, tipping over about 50 of the unsecured toilets, police said.

The tipper has struck at construction sites in upscale subdivisions around Dothan, leaving portable toilet vendors to clean up the mess.

"It's not funny at all," said Kelly Powell, co-owner of Portable Toilet Services in Dothan, which has 400 rental toilets and three people to service them. "It's pretty cut and dried: They turn them over and we have to go clean it up. It's very time-consuming.
"Dothan Police Capt. John Givens admitted that he chuckled at the first few tippings, until the pranks became a more disgusting problem.

"There are additional problems if it lands door-down," Given said. "If it leaks out, there is no ventilation. It gets really nasty in there."

Police have stepped up patrols around the building sites, which seems to be helping; only two tippings were reported since last weekend, when the bulk of them occurred. Authorities suspect a teenager or group of kids may be responsible, since a portable toilet can weigh between 220 and 400 pounds.

Powell and Givens estimated each damaged toilet costs $150 in time, energy and repairs, plus the drain on police resources.






Monday, November 29, 2004

Day in the life

Please excuse the offending Grandmother blog story. (For those who find the Mom blogs offensive, I can imagine your reaction to a grandmother posting.)

My daughter with the new baby lives with me. She was very concerned before the baby was born that he would be confused about who his mother was. She shouldn't have worried. I as the grandmother am "The Burper" only.

A typical scene in my household. Mommy laying exhausted on the bed. Me, trying to be helpful before I leave for my day, changing baby. Mom issuing orders, "button his clothes this way, make sure he is not cold, clean his navel after you dress him through the little hole in the snaps" etc. Baby lying on bed looking up at the offending grandmother person, with an indignant look on his little face. He can tell by his Mom's tone of voice that the grandmother person is not doing things correctly.

Sigh.....All that experience. But I am very happy and content to be just the grandmother. I wouldn't have it any other way:).

Saturday, November 27, 2004

Nursing the five year old

I was reading a post from the Dotmoms today. In this particular article, Jessamyn is lamenting the passing of her nursing days. I can relate. I always lingered over nursing and gave it up somewhat reluctantly. It can be very sweet for both Mom and baby. One of my daughters has a new baby and they live with me. She is learning for herself how absolutely wonderful it can be to nurse. She is also learning how confining it can be when "Mom Is The Source Of All Milk".

My oldest daughter's experience was a little different, Mom wanted to linger, however, her daughter, Laura Grace seemed to be a little embarrassed by the whole nursing thing and gave it all up at 7 months, gratefully.

I clung to nursing a bit. My longest stint was for my 4th and youngest child. He was 14 months old and the only boy. He was fascinated by all things feminine and the nursing thing was beginning to be a bit, well, embarrasing. When I quit I think we were both a little relieved.

I had a tendency to be a tad compulsive and deranged when my children were young, however I am glad I was never like the Mom listed in the LeLeche League book (early eighties edition) I had when my children were small.

There was a woman who at the time of the publishing of that edition, was still nursing her 5 year old son. (how would that work with kindergarten?) She also had no plans to give it up. Nope, wise woman of the world that she was, she was continuing to nurse her son IN CASE ARMAGHEDAN CAME. Because if Armaghedan came there would be no food. (How would she have milk to feed the five year old without food? But I digress) I think maybe she was suffering from delayed post partum psychosis continued by the plolonged nursing activity.

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

Off to my gynecologist appointment.......in the storage shed.

What was he thinking, ok I am pretty sure we all know what he was thinking. The real question is what were THEY thinking. His vicims that is. To go for treatment to this Dr. would be an extreme stupid human trick. Man who posed as gynecologist sentenced to four years in Texas prison

Associated Press
Nov. 24, 2004 10:55 AM

DALLAS - A man who posed as a gynecologist after setting up an office in a self-storage complex was sentenced to four years in prison Tuesday after pleading guilty to practicing medicine without a license.

The charges stemmed from an undercover investigation that began after authorities saw an ad in a weekly newspaper offering free medical care. A prosecutor set up the undercover sting with an investigator posing as a patient and using a hidden camera.

Thomas P. Remo, 50, of Ovilla, wore a scrub shirt and had some medical equipment in the makeshift exam room, a small kitchen in the storage facility office where he worked, authorities said. advertisement

After Remo's arrest in September, authorities received calls from women who said they were victims, but did not want their identities revealed in court records, and prosecutors did not file sexual assault charges.

Remo was sentenced to four years for each of three counts of practicing medicine without a license and will serve the terms concurrently, prosecutors said. He had faced a maximum of 10 years for each count.

Saturday, November 20, 2004

To the Second Degree

I've been busy, been away from blogging for a few days, because.......

It's a Boy!
Thursday, November 18, 2004. Trey Anthony was born weighing 7'4 ounces. Born a perfect little baby with his Mommy's long skinny little feet. I am now a Grandmother to the second degree. My first little Grandchild, Laura Grace is 16 months old.

Trey
So glad to finally meet you.....
Little froggie
bright little eyes
soft cheeks
strong little legs
jump up and down
in Granny's lap
when dinner is due

Laura Grace
Tiny Dancer
Little arms
with twig in hand
pump by her side
as we walk outside
poke the bug, see the flower
as we make our way





Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Got a fat dog? Don't let him sleep with you.

There is a study out there that suggests that if you diet with your pet, your weight loss results could be greater. The study was performed using over weight dogs with owners wanting to shed a few points. The study also states that the joint effort between human and pooch serves as a support system.

"The dogs seemed to be happier and lost weight as well. The dog owners did slightly better than the dieters who walked and dieted alone. Overall, people lost an average of 11 pounds, or 5 percent of their body weight, in the first four months and kept it off for the next eight. The most anyone lost was 51 pounds. But the diet was less onerous and more fun for the dog-walkers." API

There is also another study out there that suggests sleep deprivation can increase the risk for obesity. My own personal study shows that if I sleep with, near or around my pet, I become sleep deprived.

Maybe they should do another study, entitled, Will you lose as much weight in your joint pooch/human effort, if you then sleep with the dog?

Oh, I almost forgot. Want to know just HOW FAT that dog is anyway. Click here for a Dog BMI scale.

Monday, November 15, 2004

The Grass is Always Greener.......

Marcel Proust

"The only paradise is paradise lost."

Thursday, November 11, 2004

Tooth Fairy

The tooth fairy teaches children that they can sell body parts for money.
David Richerby

I actually posted this quote the other day. I got to thinking about the whole thing. And you know what? When my kids were little, if I were to have stumbled upon this quote, I might would have hysterically agreed and banned all mention of teeth fairies in my home.

I used various parenting "Bibles" when my kids were little. If a certain author or authors stated something was harmful for little ears, eyes, or bodies, my poor children were soon to be deprived of said items, tv shows or whatever.

It was not a BAD thing for me to be overly careful. I am very happy that my children watched very little tv as toddlers. (except for that MOVIE, whichever it happened to be at the time that a particular toddler would be obsessed with) I am happy that I was able to invest alot of time and energy protecting them from:

Barbie - Evil. Just look at those boobs.
Smerfs - Blue, means their dead. Evil.
My Little Ponies - Rainbow, national symbol of all deviltry and magic. Evil.
Most Disney movies - was that MAGIC I saw. Evil.
The list goes on. I cannot remember the other evils. (I am sure my kids will remind me and lengthen the list with their own comments.)
As time wore on I became tired and a little less paranoid. But ever once in a while, lest I forget, one of my grown and almost grown kids will pipe up and say, "Hey, remember when we couldn't watch Mary Poppins........

Friday, November 05, 2004

Want To Stink In Public?

When I was very young, I was very concerned about my physical appearance. I still am, don't get me wrong. I cover up the gray, wear make-up, try not to dress like I am 90, etc. But when I was VERY young I never left the house without my make-up on. I was a little compulsive about the whole make-up thing and to be honest with you, my made up facade looked a little like Alice Cooper(or for those who don't know who Alice Cooper is, a VERY toned down, without the weird contacts, Marilyn Manson) in my rebellious years. It was not always a "good look", it was however, my own style.

I also used to think about my appearance at my funeral. Dumb, I know, who cares what you look like when your dead. I however cared very much and spent so much time trying to look weird, I didn't want to die and no one be able to view me as I wanted to be viewed.

Today, I will go out of the house and to the grocery store and wherever sans make-up. I am not as weird or concerned about my appearance. I could not, however, volunteer for the following little project:

A British TV channel is looking for someone to agree to rot on the air after they're dead.



Yes, that is right. They want someone to rot in public, on tv, for several months. They say it will teach scientists about the affects of death on the human body.

I thought we had already studied that.....

Monday, November 01, 2004

Get Out and Vote

Get Out and Vote
Get Out and Vote,
originally uploaded by E_llie.
The winds of change are blowing. Can you feel it in the air?

Whatever the outcome of tomorrows election, we will never be the same. These are turbulent times. Whatever your political persuasion, your vote could be the one that changes the outcome of history.

America Needs Your Voice, don't let her down.