Thursday, December 30, 2004

Don't Offend......The Rooster

2005 is the year of the Rooster, a green wooden rooster to be exact.
According to Russian website Auda
You should wear green in 2005 to attract money and love. (If I believed this and really thought it would attract money, I would invest in a brand new green wardrove, complete with green underwear) It is also supposed to be the year for youth (whatever that is supposed to mean) and a great year for scientific inventions, creative works and the emergence of new talent.

Family values will be big, as a matter of fact, rooster's are fertile birds so we will all have babies. :O. (don't panic if you are single, oh believers of the bird, this could also mean that 2005 is a great year to find THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE)

Now to the offending the bird part, if you eat meat on New Year's you will offend the bird. (what would happen I wonder if the great green wooden rooster becomes offended?) If you go to a night club on New Years Eve, rather than at home with family you will also offend the bird. (the bird is sounding like a vegetarian woman who is trying to get her wandering husband to stay home rather than go out with the boys. You should stay in your own country, toast your family, parents and children and say cock-a-doodle-do several times for luck

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Christmas Issues? Psychosis?

Ever had a case of Christmas blues? A seasonal depression, that materializes during the Christmas season, sometimes triggered by loss. (deaths, aging, loss in general, etc.) It is usually alleviated by the holiday passing.

In the past there have been times, I must admit, I have wallowed in self pity during the holiday season. Said wallowing did nothing, by the way, except make everyone elses lives miserable at Christmas. Maybe setting them up for future holiday depressions triggered by lousy memories of a self absorbed family member that sabotaged the happy occasion.

Enough said. I am thankful my tearful self absorbtion did not turn in to a full blown psychotic rage like the following PA man who apparently had not been a good boy this year.

Man allegedly burns home after getting no gifts

"He was irritated that his family gave him no presents for Christmas," Lower Southampton police officer Peter Liese said."

He apparently had himself committed, checked himself out, walked 8 miles to his parents home and torched it.

I guess he was trying to make a point of some kind?????

Monday, December 27, 2004

Over the River

My parents/grandparents are gone now, so the over the river and thru the woods trips are to one of my sisters houses. Sample of this years trip conversations. "Its cold in the car, feels like a window is open. It is so cold. It is cold in the car. Cold in the car. It is cold" Meanwhile, at the beginning of the barrage the heat was raised to scalding. I cannot breathe and feel I might pass-out at the wheel, but there is a very tiny baby in the back seat and I don't want him to be cold. At the end of the trip, I noticed the verbal barrager, the informer of the rear temperature, has taken her jacket off and is wearing short sleeves.

Thursday, December 23, 2004

Tis The Reason

Silent night, holy night,
Son of God, love's pure light.
Radiant beams from Thy holy face,
With the dawn of redeeming grace,

Jesus, Lord, at Thy birth;
Jesus, Lord, at Thy birth.


Merry Christmas!

Fooey to the World - Festivus Nigh

Tired of the same old Christmas party games? New Christmas craze spreading.

I loved Seinfield, and have seen all of the shows at least twice. It is a tribute to that shows creativity that a new "holiday" craze has begun. An alternative Christmas celebration. Would I attend a Festivus party? Absolutely. It sounds like great fun. No hunting for a unisex or gag gift. No half hearted haggling over gifts that are many times rejected regifts. No resentment towards the person or couple who brings a gift that obviously cost less than the $20 standard set by the host. Not having to stretch a Christmas budget already at the breaking point for yet another gift.

Simplicity. An airing of grievances, blowing off that inevitable Christmas tension and steam by accusing all and listing their disappointing behaviors and then wrestling? Sounds a bit like domestic violence during the holidays, no?

Probably not a good idea for an office party:)

Shopping Nursery for Men

While it may be a little late for us this year, maybe next year. I think a London store may have the solution to the couple shopping dilemna, tired of dragging around a man this holiday season? Marks and Spencer, set up nurseries in six of their stores this season. "The retailer has set up special “chill-out” areas where men can kick back in front of the television while their other halves scour the store for the perfect Christmas gifts. Marks and Spencer offers comfortable sofas, assorted candy, a selection of DVDs to choose from and a small scalextric, or small electric car-racing track, for men to play with." Spotted in the nurseries were a few small children and the elderly. One of the men was heard to grumble that the rooms should be for men only. Yep, pigs and shopping, Oh I mean men and shopping....

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Ho Ho Ho, Man changes his name to Santa Claus

The beard and white hair are real. And yes, retired for 5 years, Marty Santa Claus Lebowitz works in a department store as Santa Claus, every year.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Rudolph The Rednosed Reindoe........

rudolph
rudolph,
originally uploaded by E_llie.
This little tidbit contributed by my friend Sharon in Arizona. She was emailed....

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.

Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.

We should've known... ONLY women would be able to drag a fat-ass man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.

Multi-tasking at the Wheel

Not too long ago, my son-in-law happened upon me in an adjacent traffic lane. He reported to everyone that I was smoking, and putting on make-up while driving down the road. I had to confess it was true.

Not surprisingly the following article lists my behavior as a bad driving trait. At least I don't throw my makeup at offending drivers....

Are you a dangerous driver? 10 ways to tell

Bad habits range from road rage to eating while driving. Compare yourself with these accident magnets from Boston. Do you see yourself here?
By Insure.com

Surely you've seen them on the road: They're swerving in and out of lanes, ignoring rules of the road, and engaging in other rude -- and dangerous -- behavior. Or maybe you are that bad driver?

Compare yourself with a focus group of 30 drivers from Boston who have collectively been involved in 84 accidents over the past three years and received 49 speeding tickets, 39 moving violations and 92 parking tickets. Take a look at these questions to find out if you fit the profile.
When you reach a stop sign and no one is coming from another direction, do you roll through instead of stopping? An overwhelming majority (87%) of the bad drivers say they should be able to speed, go through stop signs, and break other driving rules and regulations as long as no one gets hurt.

Do you talk on the cell phone while driving instead of pulling off and stopping to talk? A total of 77% of bad drivers say they do this either frequently or occasionally. Only 13% say they never talk on a cell phone while driving.
(Guilty)


Do you take your coffee and muffin or other food and drink on the road with you, driving with one hand while using the other to eat? Some 60% of those in the study say they either frequently or occasionally eat while they're driving. In fact, several of the participants say they have spilled drinks and attempted to clean up the spill while driving.
(Guilty)

If you're out shopping in a crowded area and are looking for a parking space, do you become so focused on your search that you lose sight of the cars and pedestrians around you? More than half of the participants say that when they're trying to find a parking space in a crowded area, they can become so focused that they become oblivious to other drivers and pedestrians and often get into accidents, whether on the street or in a parking lot.
(Not Guilty, except there was a time eons ago that I almost backed over a large cursing man in WalMart's parking lot)

Do you hate driving behind SUVs or other large vehicles that obstruct your view? More than 60% of bad drivers say they are frustrated driving behind SUVs because they are wide and tall and block their vision. In fact, more than 70% believe SUVs should be required to drive in a separate lane on the highway.
(Is this part of the questionare? Shouldn't they be asking if you do drive an SUV, so you can actually SEE what is going on in front of you)

Does your driving change when you go into areas with higher police presence? Nearly all of the participants strongly agree with the statement that they drive more carefully when they know police are in the area. In addition, most participants say they check their rearview mirrors regularly for police cars.
(Guilty, but doesn't everyone get really paranoid and slow down when the boy's in blue are around?)

Does listening to music while you drive sometimes leave you oblivious to all but the music? Some 93% of participants say they listen to the radio while driving, and 73% of them listen to music. Most say listening to the radio has often caused them to become distracted and in some cases they say listening to loud music has caused them to be more aggressive on the highway.
(Not Guilty to distraction but maybe guilty to aggression)

Do you find yourself in confrontations on the road, either through verbal arguments or hand gestures, because of either your own driving habits or the habits of others? While 87% of the bad drivers consider themselves at least somewhat courteous drivers if not very courteous, at least half also admit making obscene or rude gestures or comments to other drivers, particularly those who cut in front of them on the highway. Participants also say, however, that they appreciate a thank-you gesture for letting another driver into their lane, and often give a wave of thanks themselves when they cut into traffic. (There was this one time where I was being very nice to these people in this little white car, I let them cut ahead of me in line and to show their gratitude THEY FLIPPED ME OFF.
Guilty of returning the favor, and wishing my car could sprout wings and crush them as they giggled off.)


Does your "work hard, play hard" lifestyle leave you sleepy behind the wheel at times? About 50% of those in the study say they have almost fallen asleep while driving and an additional 10% say they have wanted to shut their eyes while driving and almost did. The study found that most participants lead a busy lifestyle that sometimes leaves them sleep-deprived. (Guilty of occasional sleepiness at the wheel, but I stop and get something cold to drink or turn the radio on)

When you're driving with passengers, do you turn around to talk, taking your eyes and mind off the road? Nearly all group members acknowledged that they are distracted when they have passengers in their vehicles, and most say during conversations they'll turn their heads and stop paying attention to the road. This held true especially for drivers with small children.
If your answers agree with the answers from the focus group, it's likely you tend to be a more aggressive driver than average. Like members of the study, you may also pay more for your auto insurance. Within the study group, 53% pay a surcharge on their auto insurance because of their driving records.
(Not Guilty, thank you)

!Outgoing, confident, and a menace
These bad drivers have other characteristics that you may recognize in your own life. Most say they lead very stressful lives without enough time to accomplish all their activities in a day. They all consider themselves either somewhat or very outgoing, and all have a fair to great amount of confidence in the way they behave. And 90% say they've told a "little white lie" to protect someone's feelings.
(Is this part of the question? If you have told a white lie, have a stressful life, are confident and outgoing, you are a dangerous driver?)

The group was broken down into three age groups, from 18 to 25 years old, 26 to 45 years old, and 46 to 59 years old. There were 19 men and 11 women in the study, commissioned by RightFind Technology, a company developing new products to help insurers make better decisions on auto insurance rates for specific drivers.

While the study is based on a small group and should be considered a hypothesis rather than a conclusion, "our study identified several personality attributes that seem clearly linked to accident involvement," says Donald Bashline, one of the owners of RightFind. "Witnessing these focus groups was a revelation."

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Christmas Freedom

Protest withdrawal means kids can sing 'Silent Night'

Associated Press
Dec. 14, 2004 08:30 AM

EGG HARBOR TOWNSHIP, N.J. - Some New Jersey school kids will be singing "Silent Night."

The Egg Harbor Township board voted 7-0 Monday night to put the song back in the program at Slaybaugh elementary.

A parent had complained about the religious nature of "Silent Night," then withdrew his objection Monday.

School officials note this week's holiday music program also includes songs about Hanukkah and Kwanzaa.

Kindergarten teacher Kathy Waszen says the kids didn't know about the controversy. She adds their little faces light up when they sing the Christmas carol.

Thursday, December 09, 2004

Deputy caught urinating

Deputy in Orange County has been caught peeing in a parking garage elevater on tape. How horrible to be caught illegally peeing. What an idiot to be caught and to be the pee-er. The reason he was caught on tape? Sting operation, due to the smell.

Want to see the incriminating evidence? Check out CBS News section Caught On Tape.
At this site you can view video of court skirmishes, hostage situations, deputies peeing, rats in New York, etc.

Something fun to do, as long as you are not the person being filmed.... .

Monday, December 06, 2004

Dysfunctional Section at a Hallmark Store

This came in an email at work. I have no idea how old this is. I do not know who wrote it.
Dysfunctional Section at A Hallmark Store
1. I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. And now that you've come into my life...
(Inside card) - I've changed my mind.

2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life...
(Inside card) - I never believed in Hell until I met you.

3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am..
(Inside card) - That you're not here to ruin it for me.

4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go....
(Inside card) - Will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably need it again.

5. Someday I hope to marry..
(Inside card) - Someone other than you.

6. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age....
(Inside card) - Almost lifelike!

7. When we were together, you said you'd die for me...
(Inside card) - Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your promise.

8. We've been friends for a very long time...
(Inside card) - What do you say we stop?

9. I'm so miserable without you...
(Inside card) - It's almost like you're still here.

10. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy....
(Inside card) - Did you ever find out who the father was?

11. You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket...
(Inside card) - I'd miss you terribly and think of you often.

13. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Tennessee, Alabama, Mississippi, and Arkansas)

14. Looking back over the years we've been together, I can't help but wonder...
(Inside card) - What was I thinking?

15. Congratulations on your wedding day!...
(Inside card) - Too bad no one likes your husband.


Sunday, December 05, 2004

Cow, er.....Toilet Tipping

Youv'e heard of cow tipping right? Where you sneak up on a sleeping cow and knock him or her over? (Why, Why?) If you have never had the opportunity to wade through a field of cow waste products in the middle of the night or don't have a cow handy and want to try your hand at cow tipping click on the link above and you can tip one over virtually.

There is a new more urban past time called toilet tipping. It doesn't take as much skill and finesse as cow tipping. You don't have to worry about pissing the poor toilet off. No running and screaming hysterically between the giggles and hiccups if your first attempt at tipping the toilet fails. Just run and bam! knock the toilets over. Just hope it doesn't splash.....

Serial toilet tipper on the loose

Associated Press
Dec. 3, 2004 05:35 PM

DOTHAN, Ala. - A portable bathroom prankster has plagued building sites in Dothan, tipping over about 50 of the unsecured toilets, police said.

The tipper has struck at construction sites in upscale subdivisions around Dothan, leaving portable toilet vendors to clean up the mess.

"It's not funny at all," said Kelly Powell, co-owner of Portable Toilet Services in Dothan, which has 400 rental toilets and three people to service them. "It's pretty cut and dried: They turn them over and we have to go clean it up. It's very time-consuming.
"Dothan Police Capt. John Givens admitted that he chuckled at the first few tippings, until the pranks became a more disgusting problem.

"There are additional problems if it lands door-down," Given said. "If it leaks out, there is no ventilation. It gets really nasty in there."

Police have stepped up patrols around the building sites, which seems to be helping; only two tippings were reported since last weekend, when the bulk of them occurred. Authorities suspect a teenager or group of kids may be responsible, since a portable toilet can weigh between 220 and 400 pounds.

Powell and Givens estimated each damaged toilet costs $150 in time, energy and repairs, plus the drain on police resources.