Reading Jag Over????:<

I have been very busy and have been neglecting my blog and feeling sorry for myself. Sigh. Why the endless self pity?

Why??????? Because I have been on a reading jag. Yep, it always does the trick. Nothing like wallowing in true crime and mystery novels to get you in a good mood. I become part of an alternate world that I don't want to leave even when my head is pounding and I know I HAVE TO STOP. The reason I have managed to stop somewhat? I have run out of novels. And fighting the urge to run out and get more. (It is called an addictive personality I think. I could become addicted to dirt if I get in the correct frame of mind.) I am still reading but I am reading self help crap now just to have something to read that is not addicting.

Now I just have to stop rolling in self pity that I have deadlines and that I have responsibilities and that I have to get up in the morning and that I cannot read 24/7 depressing stuff about murder and mayhem and decidedly unpleasant people.

(If I didn't get up and lay in bed I would feel ten times worse since I would eventually have to roll out of the prone position in order to avoid bed sores. THen I would have to face my most hated enemy, housework. I used to pretend in my mind that I was an illegitimate offspring of royalty and that was why I hated domestic duties, not that I am just basically lazy when it comes to housework.) I do wish they made disposable kitchens and self cleaning clothes.

Rectum Stretcher

This was sent to me by a friend.....I do not know the source.
Subject: Rectum Stretcher


While she was "flying" down the road yesterday (10 miles over the
limit), a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar
gun on the other side lying in wait.


The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, and with that classic
patronising smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?"
To which she replied, "I'm late for work." "Oh yeah," said the cop,
"what do you do?"
"I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded.


The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a
rectum stretcher do?"
"Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then work my way
up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in.
I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I
slowly but surely stretch, until it's about 6 feet wide."



"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?" he asked.

"You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."

Traffic Ticket $95.00
Court Costs. $45.00
The Look on Cop's Face. PRICELESS

Out Tonight

I am a member of a twelve step group. I have been neglecting these meetings lately. I was really active in the state I moved from, so meetings in my new state have tended to leave me feeling lonely and lost. Not tonight. Tonight I resolved to go not feeling sorry for myself. And it worked.

I need to start getting out and about. I am a member of this group because I NEED TO BE. It is important that I attend. I also have decided to crawl out of my turtle shell and start being more social.

There is life out there.

Fragment

I thought I saw you tonight, just for an instant.

Do you do that too? Spot fragments from the past.

I thought I saw you tonight, but the light betrayed me and the face I saw was a stranger.

I thought I saw you tonight, but it was only a memory from a life once lived.