Hi Elaine.

Jacksonvile, FL

Tuesday afternoon, a message was left on Elaine Brown, President of the City Council's, voicemail. The message started out normally enough with "Hi, Elaine. The caller then went on to tell "Elaine" what he would do it the Superbowl was held in Jacksonville. He told her he was a scientist obsessed with the Big Bang theory and with the size it needs to be. He stated that 100,000 people dying would get their attention. He also said Jacksonville did not deserve the Super Bowl and he wanted the mayor, city council and members of law enforcement to resign. He said police had tried to kill him several times (Were you running naked thru the streets with a butcher knife Buddy?) He then left his cell phone number and name. The number was traced, the name his own. He was subsequentially arrested.

PMS Contagious?

Medical News Today recently surveyed men and women about PMS.

6% felt that PMS was contagious. Contagious? I wonder. I bet the 6% were all male. Did some of the men surveyed feel PMS was contagious because they were breaking out in their own rage attacks over perceived slights at "that time of the month". Or perhaps a household of females were all PMSing at the same time, leading the poor unfortunate males to believe they were "catching" it from each other?

Another interesting result, 42% said they felt men can experience their own form of PMS, a belief I have held for years. You can clock the instability and mood swings in a monthly rotation.

How do men and women know when a woman is suffering from PMS:
--40 percent said they emit a negative force.
--31 percent said they are irrational and unstable.
--19 percent said they are less creative and unable to make a rational decision.

--Almost 20 percent of men said women with PMS are sexually and physically unattractive during this period.
--42 percent claim men can experience their own version of PMS.
--33 percent believe there is no cure for PMS.
--21 percent believe PMS is inherited.
--12 percent said PMS is not real, and it's all in a woman's head.
--6 percent believe PMS is contagious

Top 10 List of Worst Valentines Day Gifts

A (most probably flawed survey) was taken by a jewelry company. I feel the survey was more than likely flawed because it was taken by a jewelry company and most of the traditional Valentines Day gifts scored low. (Jewelry was not mentioned)

Clothing, candy and lingerie topped the worst type of gift to give at 20%. Cards ranked 9% on worst gift list. Household items actually did better than cards, clothing and lingerie at 8%. Flowers and plants scored 5%.

The survey takers also compiled a list of the least favorite gifts the surveyed had received.

10. Vacuum - I personally would not mind this as a gift if I knew the gifter would be the main vacuumer.
9. Paper Shredder - This gift cannot be redeemed unless it is a very expensive paper shredder. A quiet one that will do lots of sheets at once. Not the cheap horrible ones.
8. Electric Frying Pan - Again, if the gift giver was going to be cooking with the pan, I would not have a problem.
7. Crock-pot - See above comment
6. Rug shampooer - Only if the above comments applied and it were a VERY expensive shampooer. Not a steam cleaner.
5. Pencil sharpener - What????
4. Ice scraper - Why would you give someone an ice scraper? I bought mine for a dollar at a dollar store.
3. Can of soup - Speechless
2. Wisconsin cheese - Break-up
1. Cold pizza See above

"Drama is life with the dull bits cut out". Alfred Hitchcock

I've been accused of being dramatic and have always denied it vehemently. "Having a crisis does not a drama queen one make", I have exclaimed huffily. I have been thinking of how I have a tendency to draaaaaaaawwwww out calamity. And cling to the anxious feeling almost lovingly. I have had a few crisis's these past few weeks. The sickness drama has been one crisis, there have been others.

My family has been having colds and stomach viruses for about 2 months now. Both my grandchildren have had colds. I decided to teach my 18 month old grand-daughter the proper way to act when sick. I demonstrated for her by reclining on the couch, with arm upraised and flopped backwards limp wristed over my head. I made moaning noises to complete the picture. When I left her house she was lying in the appropriate stance on the couch, arm flung backwards over her head amidst pillows, with sippy cup and blanket in tow. I was quite proud.
I later called my daughter, trying to be helpful and suggested that my grand-daughters cheeks were pink because she was allergic to her medication. They mentioned later talking to the Dr so I know they probably made a frantic phone call. (I did not mean to incite panic)

My other daughter has 2 month old. He has also had a cold and may already have the drama thing down pat. He is better now but one day he was laying on my daughter moaning. Little baby moans. Scary. Then when he developed a cough with the cold and started wheezing the next day. My daughter called me in a panic. I could hear him in the background making what I swear sounded like asthmatic wheezes.

Both daughters rushed to the Drs office sure they would be re-directed to the ER. When they were shown to a room and he was laid upon the examining table. He began to happily kick his legs and coo. No wheezes to be found. So happy was he, the Dr suggested he didn't even need his cold medicine.

Medicine free, he developed laryngitis the next night. Not croup mind you like most babies, laryngitis. Sounded just like an adult squeeking because he can't talk. This new development resulted in one of an already many by this time, frantic calls to the on-call Dr.

We have a new vaporizer and new cough medicine and things are fine now. Oh, but with the colds going away, my daughter is scheduled for outpatient surgery in a few days.......

Castration 101

A guy I went to high school with castrated himself about a year after I graduated. He was doing drugs. The word on the street was he thought his item of castration was a snake.

RENO MAN CASTRATES HIMSELF
A Reno man called 911 Monday. Seems he was profusely bleeding from his lower quarters. See he wanted to lower his libido. Apparently he had some sort of sexual addiction? So he typed castration and did an internet search with this handy and usually useful little search tool. He found what he was looking for.

He castrated himself. No word on why other than the libido thing. He did have the where-withal to call 911 when he could not control the bleeding.

It was a successful castration. “The man obviously needs some sort of counseling,” Reno police Lt. Ron Donnelly said.

Another Blogger Fired

Depending on the blog style, we bloggers tend to mention our personal lives. It is unavoidable. I try to use caution. I try hard not to post something that would hurt or offend a family member, some of my best material never makes it. I would rather my writing suffer than hurt my family.

And work well...no one I work with knows my blog address or that I even have a blog. I rarely mention work. Neither did this British employee of Waterstones. He occasionally poked fun at his "sandal wearing boss" and vented on his weblog. He did mention the name of the company he worked for but not the location. He was unceremoniously fired. He offered to cease and desist from all workplace blogging to no avail.

He joins a host of others fired for blogging about work. Among them: Ellen Simonetti, and employee of Delta Airlines, Jessica Cutler, a secretary for a U.S. Senator and others. Boing, Boing has a list of employers that have either fired or disciplined employess for blogging about work.

"Haunted House"

Cowgirls Do The News: "Haunted House'
The definition of a poltergeist is 'noisy ghost'.

An Austrian man was hearing strange noises late at night. He would hear slamming doors, echoing footsteps in an empty hallway. He decided his house was haunted. Not knowing what else to do, he called the police.

The police captured on video, a 42 year old woman, making ghostly noises throughout his house. She was very much alive and the wife of one of his employees. She was jailed for 4 months on nuisance charges."

Naked Wisdom

Orem Utah
A Utah woman showed up at the post office to check her mail, wearing nothing but her boots and sunglasses. As the patrons mouths dropped open in shock, the naked woman told them they needed to repent.

The police pulled the 49 year old woman over as she was driving away. She told them they were in need of repentance as well. She was taken to the hospital for a mental evaluation.

Oops! Kid's do the darndest things?

Prince Harry wears Nazi costume to party.

My mother used to say, if you live long enough your kids will humble you. British royalty are no exception.

I think maybe Harry is rebelling a little. It would be difficult to be a Prince. And the British are so stuffy.

He was dressed as a Hitler Youth, complete with a swastika on the armband and collar. He was also photographed sporting a drink and a cigarette to complete the outfit.

He is scheduled to begin a prestigious military academy later this year. Some are saying he should not now be allowed to attend. A regular candidate would not be accepted under the same circumstances.

Fear Factor?

My fear? That I might be forced to watch an "eating" segment of this show.

Is it just me? Am I the only one in the free world, other than the poor guy who suffered "grievous injury" when he ran into a wall in a vain attempt to make it to the toilet to puke, that is happy fear factor is being sued for it's rat blender episode?

Dumpster Divers

Scientific studies have shown: Garbage dumpsters have germs in them.

Note to my neighbors: I know your kids are probably bored. I know that in an apartment complex there is not a lot for them to do. The park is across the street but you don't want to send them there unattended.

I don't want to get in your business, or be an alarmist, but please look out the window. Your little boys are in the garbage dumpster.
They appear to be crawling happily about.

It is not sanitary and due to the trash compacting button, probably not safe.

Not Now, My Toenails are too Long.

I remember when I was a teenager, there was a saying that floated about on tv commercials, etc. It was "not now I am washing my hair" or "I will be washing my hair on Saturday". It was supposed to be a response to use when someone asked you out for a date and you did not want to go.

Radical Muslim cleric Abu Hamza, who faces 16 charges, including incitement to murder and stirring up racial hatred, stated he could not walk from his cell to the special video link room set up to take video testimony. He could not walk to this room and appear via video in court because he stated his toenails are too long.

The Judge adjourned the hearing for a fortnight due to the prisoners "disabilities".

In Memory - My Mother

Things my Mother taught me (excuse my fingers, they are tongue tied)

1. My mother taught me to love beauty. She gave me art lessons at a young age.

2. She showed me how to calm a fussy baby, entertain a bored toddler with homemade playdough and a multitude of other things.

3. By not doing everything for me, she showed me I could be strong.

4. After my paternal grandmother died, she moved my grandfather in their house rather than putting him in a nursing home. (he died a few days later) She also moved her mother in the house when she became to ill to care for herself. She taught me courage (I am not there yet)

5. My mother would comment on current events, she would compare the latest fad thought with the trends of yesterday. Her wisdom was invaluable. She taught me not to believe everything I hear and read. (Question everything, in a good way)

6. When my children were born, she encouraged me to stay home with them as long as possible.

7. She was very sick her last 3 years of life. She suffered with dignity. She showed great strength of character and died with grace.

8. She loved to read and took us to the library often. I inherited her book-worm-ism.

I could go on and on. My mother and I did not allways see eye to eye. As an adolescent we were adversaries at times. When I became an adult my mother became my best friend. She taught me love.

On January 3, 2001, at age 65, my mother died at home, surrounded by her family.

Jigsaw Rage

Soon to come.....little tests popping up all over blog sites, What kind of jigsaw strategist are you?

Researchers at the University of Bath have conducted a study on human interaction. They asked people to complete a 121 piece jigsaw puzzle alone or in a group. They were video taped. They will be using the results of the study to develope computer software designed to aid in work related projects.

Some of the behaviors observed....
-Shading completed sections of puzzle from other players view.
-Refusing to let a fellow player touch their puzzle
-Hourding of piles of pieces
-Hiding the lid so others could not see picture

They also identified groups
Border Obsessives - focus exclusively on sorting through the entire stock of pieces for the sole purpose of completing the border before concentrating on the rest of the puzzle. (that's me)
Opportunists', sort piles on more complex criteria and completing the puzzle using a range of different methods, such as from the top of the picture down to the bottom, or by concentrating on a major component of the picture depending on the pieces they pick up.

The Border Obsessives and the Opportunists had a tendancy to fight with Border Obsessives trying to run the show and the Opportunists performing better alone.

Modern Drunkeness

I must preface this post with a statement. I belong to a 12 step group. I think this guy probably needs one as well.....

Their is a new magazine out there called Modern Drunkeness, where every hour is happy hour and hangover cures a must-have.

The editor of the magazine, Frank Kelly Rich, feels drunks are an oppressed minority. When asked about cirrhosis of the liver, he insists recent studies have shown that drinking is beneficial to your health, The states that drinking is conducive to a happy family life.

Kelly is also quoted in the article as stating:
"People always say, 'If you drink, your problems will still be there in the morning,' " he said. "That's like telling a guy going to the Bahamas that in a week, he'll be right back where he started. Well, for a week, he'll be gone."

Broke, Weird People

According to Ecommerce News, In the eyes of Ebay, the year 2004 found consumers to be poorer and weirder.

"The past year brought an explosion of the bizarre -- on both the seller and buyer side. That's in addition to the cheese sandwich bought by Internet gaming company GoldenPalace.com, which plans to take the sandwich on tour.

Earlier in December, a woman listed her father's cane, along with her father's ghost. She wrote in the listing that her son had been afraid of her father and that after the father died, the boy was afraid his ghost would stick around. So she got rid of the cane -- and the ghost along with it -- on eBay.

GoldenPalace bought that, too -- for $65,100.
"What it tells me is there's a market for anything," says Paul Dholakia, a marketing professor at Rice University who studies eBay. "It demonstrates the power of eBay, that it can create a global market for people on the fringes doing weird stuff."