Thursday, December 30, 2004

Don't Offend......The Rooster

2005 is the year of the Rooster, a green wooden rooster to be exact.
According to Russian website Auda
You should wear green in 2005 to attract money and love. (If I believed this and really thought it would attract money, I would invest in a brand new green wardrove, complete with green underwear) It is also supposed to be the year for youth (whatever that is supposed to mean) and a great year for scientific inventions, creative works and the emergence of new talent.

Family values will be big, as a matter of fact, rooster's are fertile birds so we will all have babies. :O. (don't panic if you are single, oh believers of the bird, this could also mean that 2005 is a great year to find THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE)

Now to the offending the bird part, if you eat meat on New Year's you will offend the bird. (what would happen I wonder if the great green wooden rooster becomes offended?) If you go to a night club on New Years Eve, rather than at home with family you will also offend the bird. (the bird is sounding like a vegetarian woman who is trying to get her wandering husband to stay home rather than go out with the boys. You should stay in your own country, toast your family, parents and children and say cock-a-doodle-do several times for luck

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Christmas Issues? Psychosis?

Ever had a case of Christmas blues? A seasonal depression, that materializes during the Christmas season, sometimes triggered by loss. (deaths, aging, loss in general, etc.) It is usually alleviated by the holiday passing.

In the past there have been times, I must admit, I have wallowed in self pity during the holiday season. Said wallowing did nothing, by the way, except make everyone elses lives miserable at Christmas. Maybe setting them up for future holiday depressions triggered by lousy memories of a self absorbed family member that sabotaged the happy occasion.

Enough said. I am thankful my tearful self absorbtion did not turn in to a full blown psychotic rage like the following PA man who apparently had not been a good boy this year.

Man allegedly burns home after getting no gifts

"He was irritated that his family gave him no presents for Christmas," Lower Southampton police officer Peter Liese said."

He apparently had himself committed, checked himself out, walked 8 miles to his parents home and torched it.

I guess he was trying to make a point of some kind?????

Monday, December 27, 2004

Over the River

My parents/grandparents are gone now, so the over the river and thru the woods trips are to one of my sisters houses. Sample of this years trip conversations. "Its cold in the car, feels like a window is open. It is so cold. It is cold in the car. Cold in the car. It is cold" Meanwhile, at the beginning of the barrage the heat was raised to scalding. I cannot breathe and feel I might pass-out at the wheel, but there is a very tiny baby in the back seat and I don't want him to be cold. At the end of the trip, I noticed the verbal barrager, the informer of the rear temperature, has taken her jacket off and is wearing short sleeves.

Thursday, December 23, 2004

Tis The Reason

Silent night, holy night,
Son of God, love's pure light.
Radiant beams from Thy holy face,
With the dawn of redeeming grace,

Jesus, Lord, at Thy birth;
Jesus, Lord, at Thy birth.


Merry Christmas!

Fooey to the World - Festivus Nigh

Tired of the same old Christmas party games? New Christmas craze spreading.

I loved Seinfield, and have seen all of the shows at least twice. It is a tribute to that shows creativity that a new "holiday" craze has begun. An alternative Christmas celebration. Would I attend a Festivus party? Absolutely. It sounds like great fun. No hunting for a unisex or gag gift. No half hearted haggling over gifts that are many times rejected regifts. No resentment towards the person or couple who brings a gift that obviously cost less than the $20 standard set by the host. Not having to stretch a Christmas budget already at the breaking point for yet another gift.

Simplicity. An airing of grievances, blowing off that inevitable Christmas tension and steam by accusing all and listing their disappointing behaviors and then wrestling? Sounds a bit like domestic violence during the holidays, no?

Probably not a good idea for an office party:)

Shopping Nursery for Men

While it may be a little late for us this year, maybe next year. I think a London store may have the solution to the couple shopping dilemna, tired of dragging around a man this holiday season? Marks and Spencer, set up nurseries in six of their stores this season. "The retailer has set up special “chill-out” areas where men can kick back in front of the television while their other halves scour the store for the perfect Christmas gifts. Marks and Spencer offers comfortable sofas, assorted candy, a selection of DVDs to choose from and a small scalextric, or small electric car-racing track, for men to play with." Spotted in the nurseries were a few small children and the elderly. One of the men was heard to grumble that the rooms should be for men only. Yep, pigs and shopping, Oh I mean men and shopping....

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Ho Ho Ho, Man changes his name to Santa Claus

The beard and white hair are real. And yes, retired for 5 years, Marty Santa Claus Lebowitz works in a department store as Santa Claus, every year.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Rudolph The Rednosed Reindoe........

rudolph
rudolph,
originally uploaded by E_llie.
This little tidbit contributed by my friend Sharon in Arizona. She was emailed....

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.

Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.

We should've known... ONLY women would be able to drag a fat-ass man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.

Multi-tasking at the Wheel

Not too long ago, my son-in-law happened upon me in an adjacent traffic lane. He reported to everyone that I was smoking, and putting on make-up while driving down the road. I had to confess it was true.

Not surprisingly the following article lists my behavior as a bad driving trait. At least I don't throw my makeup at offending drivers....

Are you a dangerous driver? 10 ways to tell

Bad habits range from road rage to eating while driving. Compare yourself with these accident magnets from Boston. Do you see yourself here?
By Insure.com

Surely you've seen them on the road: They're swerving in and out of lanes, ignoring rules of the road, and engaging in other rude -- and dangerous -- behavior. Or maybe you are that bad driver?

Compare yourself with a focus group of 30 drivers from Boston who have collectively been involved in 84 accidents over the past three years and received 49 speeding tickets, 39 moving violations and 92 parking tickets. Take a look at these questions to find out if you fit the profile.
When you reach a stop sign and no one is coming from another direction, do you roll through instead of stopping? An overwhelming majority (87%) of the bad drivers say they should be able to speed, go through stop signs, and break other driving rules and regulations as long as no one gets hurt.

Do you talk on the cell phone while driving instead of pulling off and stopping to talk? A total of 77% of bad drivers say they do this either frequently or occasionally. Only 13% say they never talk on a cell phone while driving.
(Guilty)


Do you take your coffee and muffin or other food and drink on the road with you, driving with one hand while using the other to eat? Some 60% of those in the study say they either frequently or occasionally eat while they're driving. In fact, several of the participants say they have spilled drinks and attempted to clean up the spill while driving.
(Guilty)

If you're out shopping in a crowded area and are looking for a parking space, do you become so focused on your search that you lose sight of the cars and pedestrians around you? More than half of the participants say that when they're trying to find a parking space in a crowded area, they can become so focused that they become oblivious to other drivers and pedestrians and often get into accidents, whether on the street or in a parking lot.
(Not Guilty, except there was a time eons ago that I almost backed over a large cursing man in WalMart's parking lot)

Do you hate driving behind SUVs or other large vehicles that obstruct your view? More than 60% of bad drivers say they are frustrated driving behind SUVs because they are wide and tall and block their vision. In fact, more than 70% believe SUVs should be required to drive in a separate lane on the highway.
(Is this part of the questionare? Shouldn't they be asking if you do drive an SUV, so you can actually SEE what is going on in front of you)

Does your driving change when you go into areas with higher police presence? Nearly all of the participants strongly agree with the statement that they drive more carefully when they know police are in the area. In addition, most participants say they check their rearview mirrors regularly for police cars.
(Guilty, but doesn't everyone get really paranoid and slow down when the boy's in blue are around?)

Does listening to music while you drive sometimes leave you oblivious to all but the music? Some 93% of participants say they listen to the radio while driving, and 73% of them listen to music. Most say listening to the radio has often caused them to become distracted and in some cases they say listening to loud music has caused them to be more aggressive on the highway.
(Not Guilty to distraction but maybe guilty to aggression)

Do you find yourself in confrontations on the road, either through verbal arguments or hand gestures, because of either your own driving habits or the habits of others? While 87% of the bad drivers consider themselves at least somewhat courteous drivers if not very courteous, at least half also admit making obscene or rude gestures or comments to other drivers, particularly those who cut in front of them on the highway. Participants also say, however, that they appreciate a thank-you gesture for letting another driver into their lane, and often give a wave of thanks themselves when they cut into traffic. (There was this one time where I was being very nice to these people in this little white car, I let them cut ahead of me in line and to show their gratitude THEY FLIPPED ME OFF.
Guilty of returning the favor, and wishing my car could sprout wings and crush them as they giggled off.)


Does your "work hard, play hard" lifestyle leave you sleepy behind the wheel at times? About 50% of those in the study say they have almost fallen asleep while driving and an additional 10% say they have wanted to shut their eyes while driving and almost did. The study found that most participants lead a busy lifestyle that sometimes leaves them sleep-deprived. (Guilty of occasional sleepiness at the wheel, but I stop and get something cold to drink or turn the radio on)

When you're driving with passengers, do you turn around to talk, taking your eyes and mind off the road? Nearly all group members acknowledged that they are distracted when they have passengers in their vehicles, and most say during conversations they'll turn their heads and stop paying attention to the road. This held true especially for drivers with small children.
If your answers agree with the answers from the focus group, it's likely you tend to be a more aggressive driver than average. Like members of the study, you may also pay more for your auto insurance. Within the study group, 53% pay a surcharge on their auto insurance because of their driving records.
(Not Guilty, thank you)

!Outgoing, confident, and a menace
These bad drivers have other characteristics that you may recognize in your own life. Most say they lead very stressful lives without enough time to accomplish all their activities in a day. They all consider themselves either somewhat or very outgoing, and all have a fair to great amount of confidence in the way they behave. And 90% say they've told a "little white lie" to protect someone's feelings.
(Is this part of the question? If you have told a white lie, have a stressful life, are confident and outgoing, you are a dangerous driver?)

The group was broken down into three age groups, from 18 to 25 years old, 26 to 45 years old, and 46 to 59 years old. There were 19 men and 11 women in the study, commissioned by RightFind Technology, a company developing new products to help insurers make better decisions on auto insurance rates for specific drivers.

While the study is based on a small group and should be considered a hypothesis rather than a conclusion, "our study identified several personality attributes that seem clearly linked to accident involvement," says Donald Bashline, one of the owners of RightFind. "Witnessing these focus groups was a revelation."

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Christmas Freedom

Protest withdrawal means kids can sing 'Silent Night'

Associated Press
Dec. 14, 2004 08:30 AM

EGG HARBOR TOWNSHIP, N.J. - Some New Jersey school kids will be singing "Silent Night."

The Egg Harbor Township board voted 7-0 Monday night to put the song back in the program at Slaybaugh elementary.

A parent had complained about the religious nature of "Silent Night," then withdrew his objection Monday.

School officials note this week's holiday music program also includes songs about Hanukkah and Kwanzaa.

Kindergarten teacher Kathy Waszen says the kids didn't know about the controversy. She adds their little faces light up when they sing the Christmas carol.

Thursday, December 09, 2004

Deputy caught urinating

Deputy in Orange County has been caught peeing in a parking garage elevater on tape. How horrible to be caught illegally peeing. What an idiot to be caught and to be the pee-er. The reason he was caught on tape? Sting operation, due to the smell.

Want to see the incriminating evidence? Check out CBS News section Caught On Tape.
At this site you can view video of court skirmishes, hostage situations, deputies peeing, rats in New York, etc.

Something fun to do, as long as you are not the person being filmed.... .

Monday, December 06, 2004

Dysfunctional Section at a Hallmark Store

This came in an email at work. I have no idea how old this is. I do not know who wrote it.
Dysfunctional Section at A Hallmark Store
1. I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. And now that you've come into my life...
(Inside card) - I've changed my mind.

2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life...
(Inside card) - I never believed in Hell until I met you.

3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am..
(Inside card) - That you're not here to ruin it for me.

4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go....
(Inside card) - Will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably need it again.

5. Someday I hope to marry..
(Inside card) - Someone other than you.

6. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age....
(Inside card) - Almost lifelike!

7. When we were together, you said you'd die for me...
(Inside card) - Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your promise.

8. We've been friends for a very long time...
(Inside card) - What do you say we stop?

9. I'm so miserable without you...
(Inside card) - It's almost like you're still here.

10. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy....
(Inside card) - Did you ever find out who the father was?

11. You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket...
(Inside card) - I'd miss you terribly and think of you often.

13. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Tennessee, Alabama, Mississippi, and Arkansas)

14. Looking back over the years we've been together, I can't help but wonder...
(Inside card) - What was I thinking?

15. Congratulations on your wedding day!...
(Inside card) - Too bad no one likes your husband.


Sunday, December 05, 2004

Cow, er.....Toilet Tipping

Youv'e heard of cow tipping right? Where you sneak up on a sleeping cow and knock him or her over? (Why, Why?) If you have never had the opportunity to wade through a field of cow waste products in the middle of the night or don't have a cow handy and want to try your hand at cow tipping click on the link above and you can tip one over virtually.

There is a new more urban past time called toilet tipping. It doesn't take as much skill and finesse as cow tipping. You don't have to worry about pissing the poor toilet off. No running and screaming hysterically between the giggles and hiccups if your first attempt at tipping the toilet fails. Just run and bam! knock the toilets over. Just hope it doesn't splash.....

Serial toilet tipper on the loose

Associated Press
Dec. 3, 2004 05:35 PM

DOTHAN, Ala. - A portable bathroom prankster has plagued building sites in Dothan, tipping over about 50 of the unsecured toilets, police said.

The tipper has struck at construction sites in upscale subdivisions around Dothan, leaving portable toilet vendors to clean up the mess.

"It's not funny at all," said Kelly Powell, co-owner of Portable Toilet Services in Dothan, which has 400 rental toilets and three people to service them. "It's pretty cut and dried: They turn them over and we have to go clean it up. It's very time-consuming.
"Dothan Police Capt. John Givens admitted that he chuckled at the first few tippings, until the pranks became a more disgusting problem.

"There are additional problems if it lands door-down," Given said. "If it leaks out, there is no ventilation. It gets really nasty in there."

Police have stepped up patrols around the building sites, which seems to be helping; only two tippings were reported since last weekend, when the bulk of them occurred. Authorities suspect a teenager or group of kids may be responsible, since a portable toilet can weigh between 220 and 400 pounds.

Powell and Givens estimated each damaged toilet costs $150 in time, energy and repairs, plus the drain on police resources.






Monday, November 29, 2004

Day in the life

Please excuse the offending Grandmother blog story. (For those who find the Mom blogs offensive, I can imagine your reaction to a grandmother posting.)

My daughter with the new baby lives with me. She was very concerned before the baby was born that he would be confused about who his mother was. She shouldn't have worried. I as the grandmother am "The Burper" only.

A typical scene in my household. Mommy laying exhausted on the bed. Me, trying to be helpful before I leave for my day, changing baby. Mom issuing orders, "button his clothes this way, make sure he is not cold, clean his navel after you dress him through the little hole in the snaps" etc. Baby lying on bed looking up at the offending grandmother person, with an indignant look on his little face. He can tell by his Mom's tone of voice that the grandmother person is not doing things correctly.

Sigh.....All that experience. But I am very happy and content to be just the grandmother. I wouldn't have it any other way:).

Saturday, November 27, 2004

Nursing the five year old

I was reading a post from the Dotmoms today. In this particular article, Jessamyn is lamenting the passing of her nursing days. I can relate. I always lingered over nursing and gave it up somewhat reluctantly. It can be very sweet for both Mom and baby. One of my daughters has a new baby and they live with me. She is learning for herself how absolutely wonderful it can be to nurse. She is also learning how confining it can be when "Mom Is The Source Of All Milk".

My oldest daughter's experience was a little different, Mom wanted to linger, however, her daughter, Laura Grace seemed to be a little embarrassed by the whole nursing thing and gave it all up at 7 months, gratefully.

I clung to nursing a bit. My longest stint was for my 4th and youngest child. He was 14 months old and the only boy. He was fascinated by all things feminine and the nursing thing was beginning to be a bit, well, embarrasing. When I quit I think we were both a little relieved.

I had a tendency to be a tad compulsive and deranged when my children were young, however I am glad I was never like the Mom listed in the LeLeche League book (early eighties edition) I had when my children were small.

There was a woman who at the time of the publishing of that edition, was still nursing her 5 year old son. (how would that work with kindergarten?) She also had no plans to give it up. Nope, wise woman of the world that she was, she was continuing to nurse her son IN CASE ARMAGHEDAN CAME. Because if Armaghedan came there would be no food. (How would she have milk to feed the five year old without food? But I digress) I think maybe she was suffering from delayed post partum psychosis continued by the plolonged nursing activity.

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

Off to my gynecologist appointment.......in the storage shed.

What was he thinking, ok I am pretty sure we all know what he was thinking. The real question is what were THEY thinking. His vicims that is. To go for treatment to this Dr. would be an extreme stupid human trick. Man who posed as gynecologist sentenced to four years in Texas prison

Associated Press
Nov. 24, 2004 10:55 AM

DALLAS - A man who posed as a gynecologist after setting up an office in a self-storage complex was sentenced to four years in prison Tuesday after pleading guilty to practicing medicine without a license.

The charges stemmed from an undercover investigation that began after authorities saw an ad in a weekly newspaper offering free medical care. A prosecutor set up the undercover sting with an investigator posing as a patient and using a hidden camera.

Thomas P. Remo, 50, of Ovilla, wore a scrub shirt and had some medical equipment in the makeshift exam room, a small kitchen in the storage facility office where he worked, authorities said. advertisement

After Remo's arrest in September, authorities received calls from women who said they were victims, but did not want their identities revealed in court records, and prosecutors did not file sexual assault charges.

Remo was sentenced to four years for each of three counts of practicing medicine without a license and will serve the terms concurrently, prosecutors said. He had faced a maximum of 10 years for each count.

Saturday, November 20, 2004

To the Second Degree

I've been busy, been away from blogging for a few days, because.......

It's a Boy!
Thursday, November 18, 2004. Trey Anthony was born weighing 7'4 ounces. Born a perfect little baby with his Mommy's long skinny little feet. I am now a Grandmother to the second degree. My first little Grandchild, Laura Grace is 16 months old.

Trey
So glad to finally meet you.....
Little froggie
bright little eyes
soft cheeks
strong little legs
jump up and down
in Granny's lap
when dinner is due

Laura Grace
Tiny Dancer
Little arms
with twig in hand
pump by her side
as we walk outside
poke the bug, see the flower
as we make our way





Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Got a fat dog? Don't let him sleep with you.

There is a study out there that suggests that if you diet with your pet, your weight loss results could be greater. The study was performed using over weight dogs with owners wanting to shed a few points. The study also states that the joint effort between human and pooch serves as a support system.

"The dogs seemed to be happier and lost weight as well. The dog owners did slightly better than the dieters who walked and dieted alone. Overall, people lost an average of 11 pounds, or 5 percent of their body weight, in the first four months and kept it off for the next eight. The most anyone lost was 51 pounds. But the diet was less onerous and more fun for the dog-walkers." API

There is also another study out there that suggests sleep deprivation can increase the risk for obesity. My own personal study shows that if I sleep with, near or around my pet, I become sleep deprived.

Maybe they should do another study, entitled, Will you lose as much weight in your joint pooch/human effort, if you then sleep with the dog?

Oh, I almost forgot. Want to know just HOW FAT that dog is anyway. Click here for a Dog BMI scale.

Monday, November 15, 2004

The Grass is Always Greener.......

Marcel Proust

"The only paradise is paradise lost."

Thursday, November 11, 2004

Tooth Fairy

The tooth fairy teaches children that they can sell body parts for money.
David Richerby

I actually posted this quote the other day. I got to thinking about the whole thing. And you know what? When my kids were little, if I were to have stumbled upon this quote, I might would have hysterically agreed and banned all mention of teeth fairies in my home.

I used various parenting "Bibles" when my kids were little. If a certain author or authors stated something was harmful for little ears, eyes, or bodies, my poor children were soon to be deprived of said items, tv shows or whatever.

It was not a BAD thing for me to be overly careful. I am very happy that my children watched very little tv as toddlers. (except for that MOVIE, whichever it happened to be at the time that a particular toddler would be obsessed with) I am happy that I was able to invest alot of time and energy protecting them from:

Barbie - Evil. Just look at those boobs.
Smerfs - Blue, means their dead. Evil.
My Little Ponies - Rainbow, national symbol of all deviltry and magic. Evil.
Most Disney movies - was that MAGIC I saw. Evil.
The list goes on. I cannot remember the other evils. (I am sure my kids will remind me and lengthen the list with their own comments.)
As time wore on I became tired and a little less paranoid. But ever once in a while, lest I forget, one of my grown and almost grown kids will pipe up and say, "Hey, remember when we couldn't watch Mary Poppins........

Friday, November 05, 2004

Want To Stink In Public?

When I was very young, I was very concerned about my physical appearance. I still am, don't get me wrong. I cover up the gray, wear make-up, try not to dress like I am 90, etc. But when I was VERY young I never left the house without my make-up on. I was a little compulsive about the whole make-up thing and to be honest with you, my made up facade looked a little like Alice Cooper(or for those who don't know who Alice Cooper is, a VERY toned down, without the weird contacts, Marilyn Manson) in my rebellious years. It was not always a "good look", it was however, my own style.

I also used to think about my appearance at my funeral. Dumb, I know, who cares what you look like when your dead. I however cared very much and spent so much time trying to look weird, I didn't want to die and no one be able to view me as I wanted to be viewed.

Today, I will go out of the house and to the grocery store and wherever sans make-up. I am not as weird or concerned about my appearance. I could not, however, volunteer for the following little project:

A British TV channel is looking for someone to agree to rot on the air after they're dead.



Yes, that is right. They want someone to rot in public, on tv, for several months. They say it will teach scientists about the affects of death on the human body.

I thought we had already studied that.....

Monday, November 01, 2004

Get Out and Vote

Get Out and Vote
Get Out and Vote,
originally uploaded by E_llie.
The winds of change are blowing. Can you feel it in the air?

Whatever the outcome of tomorrows election, we will never be the same. These are turbulent times. Whatever your political persuasion, your vote could be the one that changes the outcome of history.

America Needs Your Voice, don't let her down.

Friday, October 29, 2004

Liar, Liar?

I think the following article is great and very useful, however, next time I am confronted about maybe being dishonest, it will be hard to remain calm. (Remaining calm is one of the listed no, nos,) Even though I am being unjustly accused, (me, lie?)I will (I just know it) REMEMBER this article and be afraid to fidget, move suddenly, become too rigid, stare in your eyes, not look at your eyes enough.......

Think he (or she) is lying to you?

According to Sheri and Bob Stritof of about.com
25 signs to tell if someone is lying to you:
1. Touching the chin or rubbing the brow
2. Crossed arms or legs
3. Playing with hair
4. A line of perspiration on the brow if it isn't a warm day
5. Saying "no" several times
6. Continually denying accusations
7. Being extremely defensive
8. Providing more information and specifics than necessary
9. Inconsistencies in what is being shared
10. Body language and facial expressions don't match what is being said such as saying "no," but nodding the head up and down
11. Smugness
12. Placing a barrier, such as a desk or chair, in front of self
13. Uncommon calmness
14. Unwillingness to touch spouse during conversation
15. Being hesitant
16. Slouching posture
17. Rigidity or fidgeting
18. Differing behaviors; not acting in a usual fashion
19. Unnatural or limited arm and hand movements
20. Partial shrug
21. Lack of finger pointing
22. Unusual voice fluctuations, word choice, sentence structure
23. Stalling the conversation by repetitive use of pauses and comments like "um" or "you know"
24. Lack of use of contractions; prefers emphasizing "not" when talking
25. Avoidance of eye contact, eyes glancing to the right, staring past you, or turning away from you while talking

Monday, October 25, 2004

94 Days and Counting

office
Flicker foto
I have now been back in the South 94 days. I am still seeking permanent employment. I passed the pre-employment test for a job Saturday, but am still waiting for a call for the interview. It is not a job to get excited about. The pay would be deplorable.

I have been thinking alot about places I have worked and the people I have known. I had a Sales Assist job once, I was working for a printing company. One of the employees was an ex con. He had been convicted of all things of counterfeighting. At another job I worked with a woman that was still technically in the prison system. She had been locked up for 25 years for conspiracy to commit, she was living in a half-way house and had a work permit. She almost was released for good right before I left but it fell thru. The family of the person she had conspired to murder, apparently lobbied against her release, even if it was 25 years later.

I worked in the office of a mental health facility. While employed there we had a client (even if I could remember his name I would not be stupid enough to release it) who always carried a large paper grocery sack and a bowling ball bag. He would spend looooong amounts of time in the bathroom and would sit for hours out in the parking lot in his van with NO WINDOWS.

We had a client who, I swear, had good hand, bad hand tatoos. Angry that he was actually going to have to pay for counseling, he gave me a complete run down on why he hated women. He also explained to me why his ex love was "sinning" using his good hand, bad hands to elaborate. She was afraid of him. "Perfect love casts out all fear, he very patiently expounded, because his Honey Love", as he called her, " is afraid of him, she does not have perfect faith, therefore she is sinning". Right, ok, I can see that.....

If you have any stories of deranged co-workers or clients that you would like to share, post them in comments. You can remain anonymous.

Friday, October 22, 2004

Moo

Moo
Moo
Photo provided by freefoto.com
I stayed home with my kids for 11 years and MY college degree was my ex-husband's. A dumb move, that one, to let your spouse get the education while you rest on your laurels, typewriter, dirty dishes and pacifiers or whatever else you may be resting or busting your butt on. Now years later, he has a BA with a double major and a MA degree and I, well I have me and very little college. I do plan to take online classes next summer.

In late October of 2000 my job of 5 years ended, my marriage ended about the same time as well . The job ending was a site closure. A common thing, I am afraid these days. I had severence and a little time and I blew some opportunities. Feeling fairly superior, I turned down some decent positions because I "was looking for something else". Once, I managed to lose 2 jobs in one day. I found a job, got a better job offer, quit the job I had found, only to have the job offer retracted because the ex-employee of gold called them and was wanting to come back. Thus is life. Christmas loomed quickly and I was in a panic. I ended up moving out of the house, (letting my ex move in so all would not be lost) losing a car and some dignity. Things did end well, I did find a good job but then had to wait 2 months for the position to open. I worked some temporary jobs until my permanent job began. Fast forward to 2004, and much to my chagrin, I am again looking.

If you read my Cowgirl post, you know I have relocated from one state to another and am seeking employment. Sadly, things have not changed much. I have worked a series of temporary jobs but have not yet found permanent employment. I've done the usual dumb things, not take a permanent position because a temp that was more interesting opened up. (Note if you are out there and have been in my shoes and have some input, feel free to email me with advise) I have gone on a couple of interviews and actually test for a permanent job this weekend with a embarrassing laughable base pay. I have another interview with another temp agency next week. So far this week I am batting 0.


I have interviewed far some sales jobs and could take one now, if was able to live off of %100 commission, go a few weeks with no income, spam my friends and family with sales attempts to tide me over until I could get my toes in the business community. I am not able to do that at this time and do not know if it would be wise at any time. I am trying hard not to be bitter. Maybe I could sell cars.......

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

Kitty Litter Blues

After a dormant period, I have recently become obsessed with politics. I thought I would take a break. There are two articles posted on AZRepublics website today. They are both about seemingly disturbed people doing strange things with fire. The first article is about a Georgia man who after watching the movie "The Day After", is so inspired by the people lighting fires to stay alive, that he torches his house. (is it COLD this time of year in GEORGIA???) The second is about a woman in Washington so depressed by her smelly cat litter that she burns down her apartment.

I am a reluctant pet owner. I can relate to kitty litter hatred. My cat is huge and fat and has an over abundance of hair. I shudder whenever I look at his feet. I just know they are toilet feet. It is time for HIS BATH again. I have been informed by a very young veterinarian that CATS HATE WATER, as if this were a mystery only a select few were privy to. She seemed to feel it is abusive to bath your cat. I feel I am the one being abused while I am bathing the cat.
I not only have to deal with the rebellious wet cat, I have to listen to my now very, very, pregnant daughter who agrees initially that the cat does indeed need a bath, hysterically shrieking, "don't get water in his eyes!" "You are holding him down, don't hold him down!" "You aren't supposed to bath cats!", etc.

If I were REALLY deranged, I might use both of these articles. After watching "The Day After", I might become so inspired by the poor cold people burning things to stay alive that I might ignite the cat litter in an effort to stay warm (since it is so cold this time of year in Mississippi) The cat might decide to visit the ignited cat litter box. That would take care of all my cat problems. The litter would be clean, the cat would not need a bath and his hair quotient would be greatly reduced.

Thursday, October 07, 2004

Mississippi River Bridge

Away from home and homesick, we always greeted
the Mississpi river bridge that connects Mississippi and Louisiana, like an old friend.
Mississippi River Bridge
Mississippi River Bridge,
originally uploaded at Flicker
Photo provided by flicker
http://www.bobbieo.com/


On Being Bitter and Learning to Balance a Checkbook

Do you ever get bitter?? I have a tendency to be bitter from time to time. The cycle is pretty predictable, first comes the self pity, then the superiority complex, (smarter, yes smarter than everyone else) then the bitterness.

I have recently gone through the cycle and now am on the downside. Now I can laugh at the self pity, superiority complex, and get over the bitterness. This last bitter cycle was brought on by my recent relocation. It is not easy to pull up roots, move and adjust to a new (but familar) climate, living quarters, etc.... Everything that was old is new again.

I have also had to make financial adjustments. I was married for 19 years and am now divorced. For most of this time period I was not involved in the finances. I did not have to balance a checkbook. I did not have to deal with finances at all. Period. Things are a tad bit different now. I am having to adjust to not having instant banking online. When I lived in Arizona, the bank I dealt with had a wonderful online web site. I never wrote checks just used my debit card. Every time I used my card I could go home and pull my account up and like magic the transaction was posted on my account. And mercifully, if you had a deposit go in on the same day as a debit, even if the debit came in before the deposit, overdraft charges would not apply.

Sadly things are not the same in my permanent and original home state. My account is periodically a mess. My oldest daughter keeps telling me, MOM just right down your checks and debits in your check book. "Write them down?" I thought to myself. What a antiquated idea. (I of course was in the middle of the superiority stage) Well, I have learned if you don't write the things down, things don't go so smoothly. I am going to have to write the crap down, quit whining and stop thinking the world exists for my convenience.

I have learned when I am feeling sorry for myself..
I do not notice the beauty around me
When I am being superior...
I discount other people's thoughts and feelings and do not learn

When I am being in general DERANGED.....things do not go well

Sunday, September 26, 2004

"The Vacation"

I was married to my ex-husband for 19 years. During this time he obtained 2 degrees, and often worked 2 jobs. I stayed home with the kids for a majority of this time.He was very responsible and was relatively uncomplaining. Things have changed since then.

He has lost 3 jobs in 5 years. The first job he had held for about 3 years. A nice management job with an good income. He wrecked the company truck while drunk. The second job, though not quite as desirable, was a "sort of" management job nonetheless. He lost that one for letting his drunk friends hang around. The last job, (a management job) well, I am not sure what happened there. But I have a few guesses and they all revolve around drinking.

I got a call a few weeks ago from my ex-husband. (he had been drinking of course) After beating around the bush for a moment. He told me "I need some money for a plane ticket to go back to Arizona and get my stuff out of storage, uh, I mean, I need some money for a plane ticket to Arizona so I won't be HOMELESS".
He then proceeded to tell me about how his girlfriend had kicked him out and this time it was for good and if I didn't get him the money that night, he would be homeless. "I am going to be homeless if I don't get the money tonight and I don't want to be homeless" he stated. I very calmly told him I could not get him any money at that exact moment and would have to wait to check my account to see what my financial situation was. I already knew I didn't have the money, but as usual, his panic being infectious and ALMOST believing him for a second, I wanted to check anyway.

The next day I had already decided I was not going to give him money or even acknowledge his phone call. He called and spoke to my daughter and apparently had received a REPRIEVE FROM HIS HOMELESS STATE. He was staying with his mom. He still wanted money. I did not call him back.

A few days later, I heard thru my sister that he had indeed gone back to Arizona. My sister had driven my son 3 hours to where he was staying for a tearful goodbye.

A couple of weeks later, my sister called worrying about him and why he hadn't called. My son lives with her (she is home-schooling him) and he was upset. I advised her to call his ex-girlfriend and see if she had heard from him. My sister called and sure enough, my ex had gone to Arizona for a week and come back. Yes, he's back and no he is not homeless. His girlfriend let him come back. (she always does)

He had hit various people up for money even his ex-wife and her family members. Someone apparently had given it to him. Remember, he was going to be HOMELESS.

I have been thinking about it. When he called asking for money, he was asking for enough for a round trip ticket. Why did he need a round trip ticket if he wasn't coming back? My theory?

He went on vacation.

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

Adjustment Disorder

I recently moved some new apartments. I have returned home to Mississippi after being away for a number of years. I moved to these apartments, sight unseen, because they are near my daughter's house. Big mistake

(Disclaimer here for those of you out there who upon discovering I have moved to Mississippi are immediately thinking red neck, white trash. While there are, of course, white trash people here and red necks, it is no more so here than in any other state. I could go on but it would be pointless, because I know, I KNOW YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME)

My daughter lives in a nice part of town. A new part of the Jackson metro area that is being developed. Unfortunately, my apartment complex is part of the old development not the new. It is basically a bricked up trailor park.

I walked outside the other day and across the way, I see a skateboard ramp on the side walk. Nothing unusual about that right? I am not a real observant person, ordinarily I would not have even noticed a skateboard on a sidewalk. The thing that caught my attention was the people surrounding the skateboard ramp. There was a kid about a hundred feet down the sidewalk, building speed, heading towards the ramp. There was a little girl about 6 years old lying directly in front of the ramp, her head right under the where the skateboarder was expected to ramp. And there was this LADY (use this loosely) standing right at the expected point of impact, just watching. Apparently she was a part of the whole skateboard - ramp event. I saw the kid speeding towards the prone child and I yelled "NOOOOO" at the top of my lungs. The speeding kid stopped, other Mom's in the area stuck their heads out and yelled at their kids and the LADY that was participating in the potential disaster, slunk off.
Oh, and the lady who lives directly across the parking lot from me? She sends her four year old little boy to my porch to steal cigarette butts. Nice, huh?
That is an example of some of the people that live in my apartment building.

I live in constant fear that they will discern that I think they are trash. That discernment could result in damage to my vehicle, apartment, whatever. I am trying to conceal my distaste and not be such a snob.

But it is not really my fellow apartment dwellers that are bothering me today. I am just in a foul mood altogether. I hate to move, switch jobs etc. and I have done all in the last 60 days. I am having an ADJUSTMENT DISORDER. If you are not familiar with the term adjustment disorder, it is a psychiatric/mental health term used to describe a person having problems with life changes. It is also used whenever they don't really know what is wrong with someone, or when the diagnosis is one that the insurance companies might not cover. (I used to work in a counseling office) I am adjusting and if my adjustment does not go smoothly it will develop into a disorder.

Have you ever had a problem adjusting? adjusting? adjusting?
have you ever had a problem adjusting
when you walk outside
your back door

Has everything ever changed? all at once? all the same?
Has everything ever changed seemed strained

Have you ever had a problem adjusting? adjusting? adjusting?
Have you ever had a problem adjusting
to the people you adore

My 19 year old daughter read this post. (she is my editor and chief critic) After the reading, she announced that I am and always have been grouchy, irritable and just plain weird. (she hated the little tacked on poem by the way) In light of this newly relayed information, maybe I don't have and adjustment disorder but a full blown PERSONALITY DISORDER. And for family members reading this post, please know that I am very happy to be back and I longed for you while I was away.

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

"Cow Girl"

If you read my story about the cat suffering from post-traumatic syndrome, I mentioned a recent relocation. I moved back to my home state of Mississippi from Arizona a few months ago. It was a planned move that I had been trying to get the guts up to do for about 2 years. Unable to obtain new employment long distance, I quit my great job, packed up the cat and drove across 3 states.

It's great to be back. I love the South, but now I have to find gainful employment. I am employed as a temp right now and the search for a permanent job is ongoing but I have ruled out at least one of my job ideas. When I first moved here, I was "brainstorming" job possibilities and one of the more interesting ones that occurred to me was to sell cars.

I see them in the news ads all the time. They offer a sign-on bonus to moral, honest, people, with no car selling experience who will sit in their training classes and become a car selling phenomenon. "I can do that!!!" I thought. I was all set to embark on a car salesperson career until I remembered the WHO commercials.

When I was growing up, some of the more irritating TV commercials were for car sales . The car salesperson would stand out in the car lot, point and talk about different cars in a rapid constricted speech. (Much like an auctioneer) At the end of this commercial the sales guy would suddenly cup his hands over his mouth and yell "WHOOOOOoooooo". These commercials irritated me endlessly and being a hypersensitive youth growing up in the south (with this paranoia that the entire world is laughing because they think we are horrible hicks) and having to suffer thru the horrible WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooo call when visiting grandparents calling cows, these commercials made an impact on my young mind. (The whooooo noise is one farmer's make when calling the cows, there are different variations that send different messages, a secret cow language.)

After, remembering the horrible Who commercials, I can no longer seriously consider a career in auto sales. Every time I contemplate car sales as a serious job possibility, a vision pops in my head. The vision is me, in a commercial, dressed as a cow-girl, gushing car sales rhetoric then closing with the infamous WHOOOOOOOooooo sound. Not a flattering thought.


No, I think I will probably count pennies until I find a good job. Remember the ads for salespeople, the good honest people pitch. I don't know how honest or moral it would have been anyway to sign up for car sales classes for a bonus, and then maybe escape with cash in fist once it was established that I was an awful car salesperson and or hated the whole thing.

Monday, September 06, 2004

The cat with post-traumatic stress syndrome

I have this cat (let's just call him Brink) who is suffering difficulties. He is a very, very, large cat with long hair and tabby coloring. He apparently suffers from post-traumatic stress and I am thinking on sending him on a cat sabbatical.

Some background on "Brink". We obtained Brink from outside of a Wal-Mart a few years ago. Me and my now ex-husband were leaving the store after compulsively shopping. We spotted a little girl sitting on a folding chair with a box on the ground in front of her. There were kittens in the box. After Oooing and Ahhing awhile, I had the bright idea, of obtaining a kitten for the kids for Christmas. The main point of the pet thing was always to help teach the children responsibility and make me a popular family member. (at the time we already had 2 dogs and guinee (sp?) pigs which had done nothing to accomplish the responsibility factor) For whatever reason, I did not remember that cats usually live about 18 years.

Fast forward a few years. I am now divorced and the cat lives with me and my very pregnant daughter. Since she is pregnant, she of course, can not change the litter box, etc. My thought has always been that with pets, when kids get married or leave for college, etc. they should take the pets WITH THEM. That is an example of a stupid parent thought. I should be grateful I at least, did not inherit the guinea pigs (a sad story, they expired under traumatic circumstances) I was the one to find there not quite dead limp bodies, another story) or the dogs. (One went to live with the ex's girlfriend and the other escaped to I am sure greener pastures)

I digress. One night while packing to move, (my kids were already out of state) I heard this unholy screeching noise. I ran outside and there was the cat standing by the parking lot with his back arched making this horrible sound. There was a car parked nearby with some laughing teenagers inside. I immediately made the assumption that they had attacked or molested the cat. The cat at this time was a very sensitive subject between me and my children. I have never made a secret about my feeling towards pets in general. I like them, they are nice as long as someone else feeds them, pets and cleans their waste products. My pregnant daughter was convinced that I was somehow going to do away with this cat so I would not have to move him. (Ok, I know right now you are thinking unpleasant thoughts about my previous pet dealings, meaning the guinea pigs. You think I murdered them right? Wrong. I tried to save those pigs short of performing mouth to mouth resuscitation (sp?) on them.)

I ran up to the kids in the car and immediately begin to scream at them. "What did you do to my Cat? (did I mention it was about 1:00 in the morning) I went to the apartment they lived in and began to bang on the door demanding to speak to their father. They meanwhile ran in and locked the door acting as if they thought I had lost my mind.

I momentarily gave up on my qwest for justice and ran inside where the cat was. He had this horrible, indescribable cat look on his face. I didn't know what had happened to him but I knew it was traumatic. He was having a hard time walking and was shaking his head every few minutes. I didn't want to spend MONEY on him, especially since I was going to be moving in a few days. I called the Vet er and asked them questions and agonized. I called my friend Sharon who kept asking me if he was panting with his mouth open (?). The next day, I called work and told them I was going to be late. I was convinced those kids had run over the cat or accosted him in some horrible manner and that he was going to die. Brink had outgrown his cat carrier a loooooong time ago(I did buy one the next day for the move) , so I wrapped him in a towel. (I read online this was a good way to transport pets to the vet?) (This cat is the same cat that WALKS across my face or jumps over my head when I am asleep in order to wake me up if I do not respond to the alarm clock. He is not a calm mellow cat) I put him in the car and drove him to PetSmart. THey did not have a vet in so I took them to the Vet er. While on the way to the er, the cat starts panting with his mouth open. I am crying and freaking out remembering my friend's questions from the night before (Is he panting with his mouth open?) Convinced he was going to die in the car while we were driving, I went speeding recklessly down the road. We get to the vet and they calmly announce there is nothing wrong with the cat but question my care of the cat since he has hair balls (does anyone else have a cat that gets hair balls? I periodically have to shave his hair because it gets so long it mats, and no, this does NOT mean no one pets the cat. My daughter totes him around like he is a baby.) Indignantly I stated that I was AWARE of the cat balls, since I am the one who has to bath the freak from time to time and shave his hair. THe doctor then pointed out as if Iwere the most horrible person in the world, that cats hate water and she would never bathe her cat. (excuse me, his hair is so long it gets poop on it sometimes and he LIKEs baths) Ok they apparently think I am this crazy woman who took time off from work and out of her day to brink this huge 30 pound cat to them. I advised them that SOMETHING bad happened to this cat and that I thought he had been run over. I told them about the evil laughing teenagers. I told them about the panting with the mouth wide open. The doctor (in all her wisdom looked to be maybe 25) had NEVER HEARD OF EVIL LAUGHING TEENAGERS that attacked cats, especially girl teenagers. (they were female ok) She was not impressed with the panting with the mouth open. They offered to take xrays (my total bill by this time was already $180 for them to tell me nothing was wrong.

I declined their offer and prepared to take the cat home to die. I went back out to the reception area to pay while they wrapped up whatever they were doing with my cat. They then, apparently having second thoughts about my sanity, re-checked the cat. The dr found a swollen abcess on the cats face from a cat fight. (Why it swelled up so fast, with no blood, I have no clue) They shave the area, gave me antibiotics ($40 more) and sent us home.

I took magazines to the neighbors teenagers and sheepishly apologized. My friend Sharon expressed relief that she had not taken my cat to her house. (she had offered, she has a million pets and is involved in animal rescue) SHe then told me, based on my hysterical description of the cat's behavior, (the weird cat expression, trouble walking, shaking his head, etc.,) she had planned to take my cat and euthanize it. The cat and I drove 1500 miles the next week as we migrated to our new home in the South. (that is another horrible story)

Now the post traumatic stress thing. Poor Brink is only just now some two months later beginning to slowly recover. He is a shadow of his former self. He no longer waaaaalks across my face. The cat refuses to go outside more than a few minutes at the time and only if I am with him. He still shakes his head from time to time with an odd look on his face. And, yes I do still have to bathe him from time to time (2 days ago) (Where are those kids who are supposed to care for the pets until their demise, in sickness and in health till death do they depart). Did I mention wanting to send the cat on a sabbatical? That was just wishful thinking.

Final Note:
Anyone who knows my friend Sharon knows she is a consumate animal lover. She participated in an animal rescue effort after one of the fires Arizona had last year, and area vets sometimes send her animals for "foster care". She cries when she reads a book and an animal dies, maybe not so much when the human goes. She would not have really euthanized my cat unless it were absolutely necessary.