The Language of Women

A freind emailed me this, I do not know the source.

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

40-ISH.......................................49
Adventurous.................Slept with everyone
Athletic................................No breasts
Average looking....................Ugly
Beautiful.....................Pathological liar
Contagious Smile..........Does a lot of pills
Emotionally Secure...............On medication
Feminist.......................Fat
Free Spirit..............................Junkie
Friendship first................Former slut

Fun..........................................Annoying
New-Age..........Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded.....................Desperate
Outgoing.............Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate........................Sloppy drunk
Professional.............................Bitch
Voluptuous..........................Fat
Large frame...........................Hugely Fat
Wants Soul Mate........................Stalker


DICTIONARY OF WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want..
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you
moron!
10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex
all you ever think about?



DICTIONARY OF MEN'S ENGLISH:

1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex
with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex
with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to
have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to
have sex with you
11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit
= I'm gay